Why a Little Jogging and Running is Good for Us

A new study is out which implies that most people should run for at least a few minutes every day. It doesn’t have to be a fast run. But a little jog for a few minutes can apparently add 3 years to our life.

Are you wondering what we’re wondering? If we start jogging/running for a few minutes every day, will we eventually work harder so we can enter our first marathon race? Or do we just want to add a little jog to our daily walk and let that do? We at Familykenkel focus every day to make our lives and yours a little healthier. So where does that leave us on the question of how much running must we do of we do not like to run or jog?

The current U.S. guidelines for physical activity call for 75 minutes per week as a minimum of running or other vigorous workout, and 30 minutes of moderate intensity. But people who do less than that still receive the health benefits, according to this new study. The research mentions that people who ran less than an hour per week reduced their death risk as much as runners who put in three hours or more weekly of the super cardio exercise.Familykenkel suggests start out walking at a brisk pace and when it is comfortable, add 2 minutes of jogging and then go back to walking briskly. This is a good way to enjoy daily exercise. It also works well when we need to get out of the house for a little “me time”.

Best Toys for Kids on Airplanes

If you’re thinking that an iPad or some other digital device is a good distraction for kids who are restless on airplanes, think again. It turns out that the best toys are pretty simple and well-known from the days when their parents were children. Familykenkel shares the best toys for kids on airplanes.

Child educators and psychologists from Britain conducted research on children aged two to ten on an two hour airline flight. The children were given electronic gadgets like iPads and some rather simple toys such as Loom Bands and Playdoh. They learned that the children were much more engaged with the simple toys and with some interaction from parents for the duration of the flight. Parents switched the toys after a period of time and the child was became interested in that one. The top 10 toys in order of playtime were:

Loom Bands, Playdoh, Lego, Top Trumps, Uno, Usborne, Activity Cards, Magnetic travel game, Aquadoodle!, Finger puppets,  Sticker book

Familykenkel suggests grabbing a few of these games from the store before leaving on a flight of any length. They are affordable and fun. And if we think back on our youth, we will remember having hours of fun with some of these simple toys. Several of them do not take much space in an under the seat bag. As easy as it seems, playing movies on a laptop or electronic tablet is not all that great for keeping children’s minds occupied when confined in a small space like the airline cabin. Break out the easy toys and relax a little.

Take the BCI Pop Quiz

							It is All a Matter of Interpretation To further your understanding of how to put love into action and to give you more practice putting "Beyond Consequences" into action, I've created another Pop Quiz for you. Breathe...this isn't like the pop quizzes you had when you were in school. It won't be graded and you won't get into trouble if you miss the correct answer! Have fun with this and use it as a tool to liberate yourself from thinking in the old traditional fear-based way:
1. At her older sister's band concert, an 11-year-old begins tapping, wiggling, and making unnecessary noise. Dad puts his finger to his lips to signal his daughter to quiet down but his daughter becomes louder and more defiant.
			This 11-year-old is acting like a three-year-old. This is completely unacceptable at her age. She is being self-centered and needs to be taken out of the concert immediately. Her dad needs to tell her to calm down; that she must sit outside the band concert until intermission and maybe, just maybe, she will be allowed to come back in at that time.
			This child is not supporting or respecting her sister. Her dad needs to pass her a note telling her this and that if she doesn't straighten up, her consequence will be to make her sister's bed for the month so she can learn what support looks like.
			Dad needs to recognize that the 11-year-old is bored and perhaps overwhelmed, even at this age. The dad can quietly and gently pull her onto his lap and cuddle with her. This will help the 11-year-old calm down and will, in turn, create a sweet daddy/daughter cuddling time as they listen to the music together.
			This is clearly a bio-chemical issue. She probably has ADHD and should be evaluated with a strong emphasis on looking into medications such as Ritalin or Adderall.
2. A mother is picking up her three children. When the 15-year-old daughter gets into the car, her three-year-old sister starts whining. The 15-year-old gets aggravated, starts arguing with the three-year-old, and proceeds to turn up the radio. The music and the arguing gets louder and louder. Little sister calls her older sister "stupid" and in return, curse words starting flying out of the teenager's mouth. The girls’ six-year-old brother stays out of the conflict.
			Mom needs to warn the girls that if the bad words don't stop, they will both get their mouths washed out with soap.
			Mom needs to administer consequences that have REAL leverage because this is now a safety issue with mom trying to drive: no TV for the three- year-old and no cell phone for the 15-year-old for a week.
			This is a "teaching moment" so Mom needs to take quick and decisive action to lecture her teenager about being a better example for her younger siblings. They all need to work together as a team--a family that works together, stays together. If the teenager doesn't learn this now, by the time she is 18 years old and out of the house, it will be too late.
			Mom recognizes her own dysregulation and pulls over because she can't drive safely at this point. Mom turns off the radio, takes some deep breaths, and lovingly reminds the kids that when they yell, she can't drive safely. This is a safety issue and mom makes this very clear. She reminds them all (including her son who is still regulated but almost forgotten at this point) that she will take time to be with each of them individually throughout the afternoon. The teenager needs a voice, so mom listens to the teenager instead of lecturing her. She begins to understand that the teen was using the radio to calm herself, not realizing that it was dysregulating everybody else. Mom suggests the teen listen to her iPod, giving her the ability tune out her younger siblings on the ride home.
3. A nine-year-old girl was living with her father because her mother was dysregulated and unstable most of the time. Her father had to leave for a three-week overseas business trip so the girl went to stay with her mother. While on the phone with her father, the girl tells him that she had tried to kill herself by drowning herself in the bathtub.
			The father is losing control of this situation and needs to stop his daughter's manipulative behavior immediately, even from a distance. He needs to apply logic and love by telling his daughter that the money budgeted for a birthday present will now have to be spent on getting her psychological help.
			The father recognizes this as a fear response to his being gone for three weeks. The daughter doesn't know how else to ask for help because she is scared of discussing her fear of her mother with her dad. This behavior is a form of communication. The daughter is also afraid to discuss this with her mom because her mom and dad do not have a good relationship and her mother might react negatively. In the daughter's mind, this is the only way she could ask for help.
			The dad needs to call 911. The daughter has to be put in a 72-hour locked psychiatric ward immediately to make sure she doesn't hurt herself.
			The child needs to go live with a relative who can be there for her 100% of the time. It is evident that neither the mother nor the father can provide a consistent and stable home for this child.
Hopefully, the correct answer to each of these questions was obvious for you. If not, here they are: (1) C (2) D (3) B Each of the above examples and their correct answers are true stories. The love-based interpretations and solutions given were all successful and helped each child to move from a state of fear, stress, and overwhelm, into a state of love, safety, and security. If you enjoyed this "Pop Quiz," send me your examples and I'll continue this series for you!

Most Romantic Wedding: a Surprise Elopement

Familykenkel has reported on the complexities and hassles of a fully planned and staged wedding.  The headaches and stress may not be for everyone.  And there are those who may feel that a wedding is supposed to be about two people's love and devotion for each other, not whether Aunt Gertrude can stand Cousin Bernie's rude behavior, or whether Uncle Frank belches at the table.  That's not what it's supposed to be about.  So, many couples are opting for the romantic notion of throwing off social convention and protocol and running off to elope.  Some exotic resorts even offer wedding packages performed under a quaint gazebo overlooking the ocean, or some other striking venue.  However, one does not want friends and family to feel snubbed for the rest of their lives in the process.  Here are some pointers for making it a "socially correct" elopement.

Familykenkel has some tips for would-be elopers so that they don't irreparably hurt anyone's feelings.

The Familykenkel recommends that, unless it's a totally spontaneous whim while on vacation, the parents, at least, should be informed beforehand.  Upon returning, a party can be organized for some of those who would otherwise have been involved in a traditional wedding ceremony.  If you elope in an exotic paradise, some gifts from that locale would go a long way toward soothing any hurt feelings on the part of those who would have stood up during a formal wedding.  They say that when you marry someone, you also marry that person's family, so after you revel in a totally private, secluded wedding and honeymoon in some tropical eden, don't forget to reach out to those who feel they should have been part of your joyous day. 

Remedies for Thinning Hair

Nothing can be more shocking than having to clean the hair off of the drain every other day and realizing it is yours. It leaves us wondering how we can stop what seems like the sudden mass exodus of our pride and joy.

Familykenkel learns how to fight the agony of thinning hair with some suggestions from health experts.

Eat more food with zinc, protein, iron and vitamin B12. These are leafy greens, lean meat, nuts, beans and fish. There are many easy recipes for all of the above.

Give your scalp a massage. Don’t just stand in the shower, shampoo and rinse. Really massage your scalp which increases blood flow and helps the shampoo do a better job on your hair.

Lessen the amount of styling products being used. This especially important for people that color their hair and use blow dryers, straightening irons or other implements. 

Visit a health food store and buy a supplement that helps hair grow. There are a few on the shelves.

Get a check up from the doctor to see if there are any deficiencies in the blood as this is sometimes where hair loss can stem from.

Familykenkel suggests relaxing more. Stress can cause hair to fall out. Try meditation, yoga (it’s doing good things for combat veterans), and rhythmic breathing.

If nothing works, talk to a doctor or dermatologist to see if there is something else to be done.

Why Going to the Beach is a Stress Buster

A new book is out which states that one can go to the beach, not get in the water and stress melts away. Familykenkel takes a look at why the seashore is one of the best places to relax.

When we are exposed to the calmness of the ocean, our minds take a cognitive and emotional break – so to speak. The vast blue sea relaxes it, puts it in a meditative mode as they happy thoughts seep in. Brain images of people who are close to water show the brain filling up with feel-good hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. The stress hormone coritsol lessens and the human feels fine. Scientists have actually proven that the color blue helps us focus better. And since the ocean is mostly blue, we relax and are able to be more creative and emotionally sound. Familykenkel reminds readers our bodies are 60% water and our brains are 75% water. So it makes sense that water-based therapies are helping people work though trauma, stress and depression. If sitting on the beach or swimming in the water is not your idea of relaxation, sit in a restaurant of coffee house near it and reap the same benefits. If the ocean is someplace one longs to be on the weekend, jump in! Mother Nature’s resources are there to make it better.

Take the BCI Pop Quiz 1

						It is All a Matter of Interpretation To further your understanding of how to put love into action and to give you more practice putting "Beyond Consequences" into action, I've created a Pop Quiz for you. Breathe...this isn't like the pop quizzes you had when you were in school. It won't be graded and you won't get into trouble if you miss the correct answer! Have fun with this and use it as a tool to liberate yourself from thinking in the old traditional fear-based way:
1. In preschool, a four-year-old boy does fairly well in class until it comes to Circle Time. When it is time to sit in a circle, he becomes demanding and insists on sitting next to his teacher. He refuses to make eye contact with anyone and sits turned away from his classmates.
		A. The child is being defiant. He must learn to be respectful and join in the circle. If he chooses not to sit in the circle like all the other children, he will lose 10 minutes at recess and sit in Time-Out. B. The child has ADHD and needs to be put on Ritalin immediately. C. Circle time overwhelms this child. The direct eye contact with the other students is too much and the child is trying to buffer this by sitting half in and half out the circle. He is trying to find safety by sitting next to the teacher. D. He needs to be given a choice to either be a "big boy" or be a baby. He should be told that if he can't act appropriately during Circle Time, he will be sent down to the nursery to be with all the babies. That way, it is his choice.
2. A 19-year-old young man still lives at home but has become so despondent he refuses to get a job and hides away all day in his basement bedroom, refusing even to come upstairs to join his mother for dinner.
		A. This young man is being lazy and sees mom as a "freeride." Mom needs to tell him to get a job or she needs to kick him out ("Shape up or ship out"). Tough love is needed in order to get him to growup. B. While he is 19-years-old chronologically, he is much younger emotionally. He is terrified of growing up and not ready to handle life as well as most 19-year-olds can. He is in a complete state of overwhelm; he is hiding in his "cocoon." Mom can start by going down to his room with dinner and eating with him, strengthening their relationship and working to calm his nervous system. She can offer her support and talk about ways to take babysteps into the "realworld." C. He is clinically depressed and needs to be admitted to an in-patient unit immediately before he hurts himself. D. There is nothing mom can do. He is 19-years-old and an adult. Mom needs to ignore him and move on with her life.
3. A seven-year-old girl, who enjoys reading as a calming activity, becomes upset in the classroom when her teacher sets a boundary and says, "no," to one of her requests. She runs out of the classroom, without permission, and runs into the library. She immediately starts pulling books off the shelf and piling them into a stack. She then runs to the corner of the library, sits down, and starts reading the books.
		A. This child clearly has problems with authority. She needs to learn to respect adults--NOW! Otherwise, she'll be so out of control by the time she is 15-years-old, she'll be in juvie. Immediate punishment needs to be administered in order to help her understand the importance of submission. B. This child's parents have spoiled her. She thinks she can do anything she wants to do, when she wants to do it. Since her parents are too easy on her, the school must step in and teach her rules and boundaries. The next time the class goes to the library, she will not be allowed to check-out books and will have to sit and watch the other children. She'll learn there is a time for books and that time will be determined by the teacher, not her. C. This is a severe safety issue. She was running around the school unsupervised and the teacher didn't know where she was. This child needs to know that unsafe behaviors will NOT be tolerated. She needs to be taken directly to the seclusion room in order to keep both her and the other children in the school safe. D. This child has a history of being rejected. When her teacher told her "no," she immediately had a traumatic reaction and slipped into a state of fear, believing she wasn't lovable or didn't deserve to be on this planet. She couldn't go to the teacher for comfort as the teacher was the source of the fear, so she turned to books in order to get regulated. Her ability to properly ask to go to the library was overridden by her need to survive.
4. A 12-year-old foster child digs through the family garbage even though he is in a loving foster home that provides for all his food needs. There is food in the pantry and his parents always make sure he is offered seconds at meal-time.
		A. This boy needs Reality Therapy. He and his parents need to go visit Costco. His parents need to point out all the food that is available to them, even if they run out at home. The bigness of Costco will help this boy realize the amount of food his parents have access to so he knows he won't have to dig into the garbage anymore. B. In order to stop the nasty behavior of digging into the garbage, his parents need to give him a consequence. If he doesn't stop digging in the garbage, he won't be served dinner. He needs to learn that he can either eat the food from the garbage or the food served on a plate at dinner-time like the rest of the family. C. This type of behavior comes directly from a past experience of not having enough food. This boy is hard-wired to protect himself. In the past, the adults in his life were unable to feed and provide for him. He is continuing to live in a state of survival, despite being in his new home. When his parents find him rummaging through the garbage, instead of addressing the behavior, they should address the root cause of the behavior by saying, "Son, you're going to be okay. You're not going to die. I'm here to make sure you have everything you need." D. This child is doing this just to push his parents' buttons. He knows this behavior undermines everything they are trying to do for him and it is a way for him to push away their love and reject them. They need to do some intensive attachment therapy before he grows up to be Ted Bundy.
5. A three-year-old girl refuses to take a bath at night. Each night she goes into a complete meltdown and becomes belligerent. The intensity increases even more when her mother tries to wash her hair.
		A. Her refusal to take a bath is not defiance but fear. This type of extreme reaction is a communication of an experience in the past that scared her. It is a traumatic reaction. Mom can offer to sit next to her daughter while she is in the tub to keep her safe and if this doesn't work, mom can offer to get into the tub with her daughter (mom can wear a bathing suit if that makes her feel more comfortable). In the tub together with Mom, the child can have an experience of feeling safe and secure. Mom and child can also make this into a fun time with bubbles and toys and create a bonding time out of a chaotic moment. B. At this age, it is important to teach this child to start making better choices. To break the power struggle, mom needs to offer her three choices: 1) earn stickers for each time she bathes without a struggle, 2) sit in Time-Out and miss her TV time if she has a melt-down, or 3) if these first two don't work, mom will wash her down in the shower because hygiene simply can't be ignored. C. This child is being a brat. She needs a good swat on her rear-end to make sure she knows who is boss in this family--mom, not her. D. Let the child go without a bath until she is ready. Forcing the issue will only make things worse. The child just needs some space to decide.
Hopefully, the correct answer to each of these questions was obvious for you. If not, here they are: 1) C 2) B 3) D 4) C 5) A Each of the above examples and their correct answers are true stories. The love-based interpretations and solutions given were all successful and helped each child to move from a state of fear, stress, and overwhelm, into a state of love, safety, and security. If you enjoyed this "Pop Quiz," send me your examples and I'll continue this series for you!

Finding a Goldmine in the Public Library

We are midway through the summer. What can families do together that is affordable and fun? Where can they go to find something to do when the weather is not cooperating? Familykenkel suggests finding a goldmine at the public library.

Almost every city in the country has a public library. Some have shortened days but are nonetheless still open. Inside – a world of family entertainment can be found.

Many local libraries offer discounted tickets to local museums. Grab tickets for everyone and go exploring in another time and place.

Rent a movie or two that everyone will enjoy. Recent flicks are on the shelves as well as the oldies.

Search for ancestors, dig through old family records and photographs and find something new not known. Some libraries have telescopes in which members can use to gaze into the sky and see what’s there. Explore this new world.

Audio books are great to take on long road trips. They are also fun to listen to at home. Familykenkel suggests renting an classic and having a discussion about the characters and plot.

Sort through the variety of self-published magazines libraries have to offer for interesting topics. A favorite subject is pets and another is crafting. Pick up a flyer with groups meeting there or scan the list of classes offered. There are so many fun things in the local library. Why not see what they have to offer today?

Save Money on Back to School Needs

You know it’s almost time to go back to school when the sales start, discount codes arrive in email and school uniforms are on store racks. Familykenkel shares some tips on how to save money on back to school needs.

Shop early. Even if the school district has not sent out a list of needed supplies for the year, hit the discount stores early for the widest variety and the best prices.  Stock up.

If your state offers a tax-free weekend on school supplies, wait until then to stock up.

Do your kids need some cool new duds to start the school year? Go online and check out some of the fashion resale stores like thredup.com and moxiejean.com. Cool styles can be found for less than the department or boutique stores charge.

TheFamilykenkel also uses smart phone apps for favorite stores to find special sales, coupons and discount codes for back to school items.  

True fashionistas though will find creative ways to re-purpose clothing from previous seasons. Fashion is evolving and will come full circle with some modifications. Take advantage of scarves, hats, leggings and other ways to turn some cast-offs into something very cool. There are a myriad of ways to save money on back to school needs. Use all of them!

Easily Save Some Money

There is always time to find ways to save more money, especially during the summer when everything seems to slow down. Familykenkel shares a few examples of where to find some extra dough to sock away.

Review cell phone bills and policies to see if there are any savings to take advantage of such as less usage or getting rid of replacement insurance.

Automate bill payments and automate savings deposits. Too many people do not trust banks and merchants when it comes to automated bill payments. The theory is if there is a billing mistake or service issue, there is no recourse since the bill has been paid for the month already. But making a late payment costs money. As for savings, the expression “out of sigh out of mind” comes to the forefront. If it’s automatically deposited every month, it won’t be spent.

Forgo plastic. Use cash instead. Determine how much cash is needed for the week and withdraw that on Saturday or Sunday morning. Instead of regularly swiping a debit or credit card spending more than wanted, use the cash on hand instead.

Wait before spending hard-earned money on something major like a new TV. Wait 30 days and then ask if it’s a must have or want to have. Familykenkel also believes it may go on sale.

These are easy ways to save money every day, week and month.

Car Bashing

					Q: My adopted son, 11 years old, was getting very aggressive in the car. He was hitting his sister and yelling. We were about five houses away from our home so I told my son to get out of the car and walk the rest of the way home. He was not happy about it but got out and walked home. Once he got home, he kicked the car multiple times and dented the back of it. I was so upset that he caused damage that I had him go with me to get an estimate for the cost of the repairs. I needed him to understand that this was a big deal and the importance of working hard to stay in control. I told
him he needed to do some jobs for me to pay for the damage to the car. Was there a better way to handle this? A: I do believe in restitution and teaching our children to be responsible but let’s back up. We first want to ask the question, "What was driving his behavior?". We always want to look at what caused the negative behavior and in this case, what brought on the aggressive behavior. In many cases, it does become an absolute safety issue when a child becomes aggressive in the car. The parent needs to address it because it is never okay for anyone in the family to be put at risk. If a child is becoming upset and aggressive in the car, the parent should pull over and stop the car in a safe place. However, too often, the parent is scared herself and projects this fear onto an already dysregulated child: "You need to stop that right now, Billy!" The parent's fear then adds to the dysregulation and the chances of increasing the safety for the family are almost non-existent. A child with a trauma history of rejection and abandonment absolutely needs a loving approach over a traditional fear-based approach (like the one you took with your son). When your son was asked to get out of the car (even five blocks away from home), his core pain was triggered. In his view, he was rejected from the family and abandoned to be on his own, not just temporarily but forever. Most children with trauma histories have black and white thinking. They can't comprehend it is only a temporary disconnect. He did not learn a lesson about being nice to his sister or being safe in the car. The main lesson he learned was that he was not lovable or good enough and he re-learned the lesson of rejection and abandonment. He also learned that his family was not able to handle him and that he was not welcome in his family anymore. With this kind of perspective, it makes sense why he became so outraged when you got home and he then severely damaged your car. Most traditional parents handle this type of scenario in the way you did, yet their children do not react in such a dramatic way. The difference comes down to one word: TRAUMA. Your son is hard-wired differently and until deep healing has happened, he will continue to react out of fear and be exaggerated in his reactions compared to other children. Past trauma is stored within the body and it has to be discharged. When children get triggered, as in the case with your son, their behavior can be reflective of their attempt at releasing the trauma that has opened up. When your son was feeling like he was not lovable, a pocket of dormant trauma opened up bigger than he was. He was not given space to discharge it verbally, so he picked the physical route of discharge and hit the family car once he got home. At some level, we can have a new perspective and actually acknowledge that he did not hit you or another family member when he was that angry. This may be a big stretch, but when we understand that your son was overloaded and overwhelmed, he actually had great self-control in only hitting the car. Breaking the cycle to his reactive patterns and creating healing for him comes with responding differently as a parent each time he becomes dysregulated. Breaking this pattern will not come through logic and consequences. Telling him in the moment that he is not being nice to his sister or telling him to get himself under control will only ignite him and keep him focused on the belief that he is a bad child. Instead, address your child's emotional state, not his behavioral state. "Billy, you're not in trouble. I pulled over because you're really upset right now and it is always my job to make sure you're okay and to make sure everybody is safe. What's going on, sweetie?" You could invite Billy to come sit up in the front seat next to you and focus on connection and emotional safety with him. Your conversation with him has one goal: to answer the question of "What is driving his behavior?". Expanding on this question further would add sub-questions such as, "What is pushing Billy over his limit? Why is he feeling so insecure that he has to hurt his sister? What can I do, as the parent, to calm the chaos that is churning inside of Billy?". If you can't figure out what to say to in the moment with your child, simply look him straight in the eyes and say, "I love you. You're going to be okay. We are going to be able to work this out. There's always a way." As far as what to do with the car, I think it is our responsibility to teach children that their actions do make a difference. However, what typically happens is that the child gets blamed for the incident 100%. "Look what he did! He kicked in the car; he needs to pay for it." What happened with your son was a result of both your action and his action. This is a two-part system; a parent-child relationship is a dyad. Consider going back to your son and saying, "When I asked you to get out of the car, I was really scared. I didn't know what to do. I wanted you to learn a lesson and I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't understand how badly that felt for you. It wasn't okay to damage the car but I was a part of it, as well. How about we both work together to find a way to pay for it and create something different between the two of us? I'm sorry." When you can change your perspective to that which is driving a child's behavior, it all begins to make more sense. This is not so much a new parenting technique as it is a way of looking at our children differently in order to understand their internal worlds. Any child that has such an exaggerated response is simply reacting from a very deep place of pain.

Who Has Boomerang Kids at Home?

The Recession sent many college graduates and older adults back home to their parents’ house to live after not finding a job or losing one. These so-called “Boomerang Kids” can be a helpful addition to the household.  Familykenkel acknowledges what they can bring to the kitchen table.

When times get tough, some head back to the safety and security of their childhood home. This can leave parents feeling like the new freedom of having no children around is cramping their style. But if a few guidelines are set and followed, the new living situation will be beneficial to everyone involved.

Will rent be charged to stay in the house? How much will it be and when will it be paid?

The grown child does their own laundry.

The grown child can pitch in to buy food for meals, help prepare them and clean up afterward.

Is the grown child looking for work? Will the grown child take a part-time job to help pay some expenses?

The house rules should clearly indicate if there any curfews and how many guests the grown child can invite over.

Household duties should be divided equally to include the grown child.

TheFamilykenkel understands that it’s hard for both parents and child to live together again. If all parties work together to live in peace, then the new arrangement will benefit everyone. Parents can help boomerang kids in preparing a monthly budget to pay off credit card bills and student loans, as well as still being able to afford gas for the car and food for meals. Kids can help take the pressure off of their parents by offering to do yard work, take care of their rooms and the rest of the house, and be available if needed. Who has boomerang kids at home? How do you manage the living arrangement?

Offers Signs That Your House Is Run By Your Cats

Familykenkel, along with most of the nation, loves cats.  The little furry creatures are the single most popular pet in the country.  But the age-old question remains:  do you adopt cats or do they adopt you?  And who's really in charge in a household full of felines?  Here are some signs that your home is run by your cats.  One of the primary signs is multiple litter boxes, some kept in relatively unusual or inconvenient spots.  That signifies the home of someone who has surrendered to the inevitable and would rather place a preemptive litter box at the site of a previous calamity, than to be repeatedly cleaning up messes. 

Familykenkel salutes lovers of the feline species who build their lives around their pets.

The Familykenkel recognizes another "tell-tail" sign that the cats are in charge:  they sleep where they want to, you adapt to them.  Whether a favorite spot in the sunlight, a cushion on the couch, the claiming of a part of the bed or your computer keyboard, Cats will snooze where they feel like at any given moment and their well-trained humans will just have to work around them.  Finally, the expensive, designer-fashioned cat tree, purchased so that your felines might spare your fine furniture and other decor, usually dominates the style of your home.  However, usually the scratching post is in a pristine state while the lower sections of the sofa, chairs and even wood furniture are shredded almost beyond recognition.  All of this, we endure for the occasional lap session of petting and a nurturing rub against our legs.  These critters usually know when we're feeling down, and will come to us and brighten our lives when we need it most.  For that, we can grant them the run of the house.

Healthy Breakfast Ideas

Why is having a healthy breakfast so hard to do? It is because we don’t make time to make one or that we would just rather grab something on the way to work? Familykenkel shares some healthy breakfast ideas.

While it may seem easy to grab a banana on the way out and call that a healthy breakfast, it barely feeds our bodies with the vitamins and nutrients it deserves.  Plan a little more time in the morning and makes a nutritious sandwich with a whole wheat English Muffin, all natural peanut better and apples, or an egg white with low-fast cheese. Add low-fat milk to coffee and tea if needed and a sugar substitute like Splenda. Kids should have time to sit down at the table and eat a whole wheat waffle with cream cheese (try one made with Greek yogurt) and berries.

Adults rarely think about breakfast but it fuels the day and gets metabolism moving. Make something the night before and stick it in the fridge to stay fresh. For the readers who like bacon and eggs crack one egg (or one cup egg substitute) into a microwave safe mug, add some dried herbs, a little low-fat milk and some cheese and zap it for a minute. Remove and microwave two slices of turkey bacon until crisp. It’s quick, easy and fulfills the craving. Familykenkel also likes Greek yogurt with a sprinkle of cinnamon, a drizzle of honey and some fresh berries tossed in. It takes less than two minutes. Healthy breakfasts are not that hard to make. Reserve a little time in the morning to enjoy one.

Avoid Cell Cramming Charges

Cell phone users may find some line items on their monthly bills which do not look right or are small in cost.  Some of these charges are “cramming” charges that the provider adds to the bill seemingly without the customer’s permission. Familykenkel has some info on how to avoid cell phone cramming charges.

Cramming is the practice of placing misleading or unauthorized charges on a consumer's cell phone bill. These charges used to show up on landline phone bills. Now they are showing up on cell bills. So what can one do to avoid getting them and how does one get rid of them?

• Read the bill closely every time when it arrives and even if the bill is paid directly from another account.
• Read the fine print carefully before signing up for any cell service.
• Don’t enter cell phone numbers online unless it is with a known, respected company.
• If a charge is on the bill for something not recognizable, call the carrier right away. Don’t wait because some companies have a short window for refunds.
• Ask the carrier if it has a blocking service for cramming. It should be free.
• Pay attention to the smaller charges. Most crammers try to go for the $1.99 to $2.99 charges. Refute these and insist on a credit on the next bill if already paid.
• Still getting charged by crammers and not getting help from the cell provider? File a formal complaint with the FCC.
• Familykenkel suggests prepaid phone users keep an eye on their minutes. If there are cramming charges, they will deducted from the total minutes per month.

Go online and review the bill before the next billing cycle. This is the best time to do it.

Perception Is Everything

						I have recently had several phone consults with therapists and case workers seeking advice on how to help children exhibiting difficult behaviors. Listening to their descriptions of these children has painfully reinforced to me how one's perception of a child is paramount. It directly influences whether the child has a chance for healing or whether he will be targeted as the "problem" before he even enters the starting gates. Traditionally, when a child misbehaves, he is viewed as the "Identified Patient" in therapy. The approach is to describe the child's behaviors and then determine how to "fix" or "change" the behaviors.
While this traditional approach is designed to be accomplished from a strictly objective perspective, the reality is that the perspective taken is the adult's. Herein lies the problem. The behaviors are viewed through the lenses of the adult, not the child. The behaviors are viewed as acts against the adults, against the rules, and against what is age appropriate. When these behaviors do include the emotional context of the child, the interpretation of how the child is feeling is again viewed from the perspective of the adult, not the child. Let us take an example of a description of a 10-year-old boy to give more definition to the idea that perception is everything: Traditional View
		This is a 10-year-old boy who is out of control. He lives with his mother and stepfather. He demonstrates defiant and aggressive behaviors towards his stepfather. The child works hard to divide and conquer his mother and stepfather. This child is demanding all of the time. He sabotages everything that his mother tries to do to make things better for her son. He is dangerously manipulative at home and at school. His history includes abuse by his biological father. His mother left him with his father who physically and sexually abused him. However, this was years ago and his father's parental rights have been terminated. This child has been in a safe environment with his mother for the past five years, yet he continues to be destructive and his mother is exhausted. The family is looking at placing this child in a residential treatment center. Would this be the best course of action?
New View The description above is not an objective description of this child. It is judgmental. It is saying in short, "This child is acting badly and he needs to change." Some would even go so far as to say, "This is a bad child and he needs to be shape up or ship out." Instead, from the child's perspective, a more comprehensive and accurate description would be as follows:
		This is a 10-year-old boy in need of healing. He is communicating his level of fear and pain through his behaviors. Due to a past trauma history that has not been processed, heard, or understood, he is insecure, scared, and does not feel safe in his world. His behaviors towards his mother and stepfather are showing that he is scared of his mother abandoning him to another father. He is working to separate the mother from the stepfather in order to ensure his connection to his mother. He is scared she loves his stepfather more than she loves him. From this child's perspective, his mother left him to the abusive hands of his biological father. His mother did not keep him safe and he is trying to voice this to his mother through his behaviors. Additionally, he feels very unsafe with his stepfather (because of his history of being abused by his biological father). While his stepfather may be a loving and kind person, the child's perception from his past tells him differently. His aggressive behaviors towards the stepfather are reflective of this fear of being hurt by him. The child's philosophy is, "I will hurt you before you hurt me. I will NEVER be vulnerable or helpless ever again." The mother has been raising a child with challenging behaviors for several years now, doing the best she can but without much success. She is tired, frustrated, and worn down. She is more than likely not even wanting this child in her home because she is feeling unsafe and scared his behavior will split up her new marriage.
With the correct perception, the answers about what to do and what not to do become clear. Sending this child away to a residential treatment center would only create more of what he is already fearing--abandonment. It would confirm his fear that his mother would choose his stepfather over him (as he would be the one sent away, not the stepfather). In short, this course of action would recreate the child's original trauma. This is an issue within the dynamics of the family, not with the child alone. First course of treatment would be to work with the mother to help her get back to a place of recapturing her desire to be a mother to this child, flushing out her guilt for what happened in the past, and allowing her space to acknowledge her feeling like an unsuccessful parent. She needs support, love, and validation, as well as education to understand what is driving her child's behaviors. This child needs help in processing the past trauma with his father. He needs to be able to express the helplessness, powerlessness, and hopelessness that occurred during that time. He also needs to have a voice about his current fears and have these received by his mother in order to create more security in their relationship. He needs empathy instead of blame. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Dr. Wayne Dyer: "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." For this little boy, when we change the way we look at his behaviors, it changes everything. His acting out begins to make perfect sense. Perception is truly EVERYTHING. If we are going to effectively help our children, we must first see and feel things from their perspective. Once we understand what is driving the child's behavior, the "what to do" will unfold with clarity.

International Travel Updates

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security issues an advisory to all people traveling into the United States from other countries and continents about digital devices. Familykenkel reviews this new rule and others that international travelers will need to know.

International travel will usually mean better security coming and going abroad. In light of this, there are some new guidelines that people traveling to the US from other countries should know: travelers will be asked to turn on any smart phones, cell phones, tablets and laptops they have. Failure to turn it on might mean it will be confiscated. Shoes are also another concern and travelers may be asked to remove them for the X-ray machine. At US airports, extra steps are already being taken to test random passengers for chemicals and compounds used in making explosives. Familykenkel urges those traveling overseas to be sure they pack a converter for electricity in order to keep electronics fully charged before leaving the country visited. This will ensure the device will go on if asked to turn it on by airport security.

International travel is fun and a rewarding experience. Be sure to pack what you need and want for the adventure and place important items in a carry on bag, such as a light rain coat, medication, clean undergarments and travel-size personal hygiene items. Chargers and cords can be corralled into baggies with the item name written with a Sharpie on the bag. Pack carry on bags so the items are easily identifiable to airport security and make getting through it as easy as possible.

Five Good Reasons to Drink Coffee Before Working Out

Nothing  wakes us up like a good cup of coffee. Now, there is news that a cup of joe is beneficial to drink before working out. Familykenkel offers five reasons why we should stop at the coffee house on the way to the gym.

It improves circulation by adding oxygen to blood, which is what Japanese researchers found when they ran a study.

Two cups of coffee consumed an hour before working out resulted in showing University of Illinois researchers that those who drank it did not feel much pain during high intensity workouts.

Caffeine helps retain memory which we may need when working on a specific workout routine. 

It helps preserve muscles. Scientists at Conventry Universityfound that coffee can prevent age-related muscle loss.

Familykenkel learns that drinking coffee increases 66% increase in muscle glycogen four hours after intense, glycogen-depleting exercise. 

But take it easy on the coffee. Drink water and give your muscles a break every now and then.

How to Stand Up and Move at Work

Some people spend most of their working lives sitting at a desk. These are usually the same people who eat poorly. All of this results in a declining health status. Familykenkel offers the ideas below to help everyone stand up and move at work.

Set your smart phone to vibrate every hour. Stand up and bend your legs, stretch your arms and neck and walk to the break room for a beverage.

Stuck on the phone? Walk around your desk or cubicle. Don’t take that long call sitting down.

Add more walking into the day. Park farther away from the building, from the store, from the school or from the pool. Walk on breaks. Walk after dinner. Walking after a meal actually boosts metabolism.

Leave beach chairs at home when going to the beach, pool, picnic or outdoor event. The Familykenkel learns that while it is harder to get up from a flat surface like a beach blanket, it is better because it will make you walk more.

If it’s okay, get up and walk to someone else’s office or desk space instead of emailing or calling. Walk to lunch instead of ordering in. Walk to the store. Walk to the dry cleaner. But whatever you do, don’t walk in the rain or if it’s lightning outside. Instead, walk up and down stairwells. Stand up and move at work, readers.