100,000 People Are Willing to Get Off of the Planet

Familykenkel has learned that fully 100,000 people are ready to make a deep and lasting commitment to human and scientific progress.  These folks are signing up to be a part of mankind's first mission to Mars -- one from which everyone knows there is no coming back.  The Mars One mission expects to launch four people, two men and two women, toward the red planet in September of 2022, landing in April of the following year.  This is clearly a one-way trip, as these people will try to establish a continuous colony on Mars, and existing technology is not prepared to offer a return flight.

Familykenkel reports on the first manned mission to Mars -- definitively a one-way trip.

The Familykenkel finds it surprising that such a large number of people are willing to make this journey, knowing they will never see Earth and loved ones again.  The Mars One mission is already taking applications from people from around the world, and expects to select 40 finalists to enter 8 years of training.  The learning curve is extensive, since the four residents on Mars would be solely responsible for any work, construction and repair of facilities, equipment as well as their own health.  They'll need to be farmers, engineers, doctors and scientists, all rolled into one team of adventurous souls.  Anyone interested is encouraged to apply, but remember:  it's permanent -- you can never come home again.

Reviews the Good and Bad Yogurts

Next time you visit the grocery store, go to where low-fat yogurt is sold and see how many varieties are sold. And then read the labels. Familykenkel examines the good and bad kinds of yogurts.

There are many reasons why health experts recommend eating Greek yogurt versus the other kinds sold in stores. They are naturally lower in fat and sugar than the others. Greek yogurt has only six grams of sugar in the plain varieties.

The recommended total daily amount of sugar for women is 20 grams, and for men it is 36. Yet, the popular flavored low-fat yogurt sold contains much more than that. Part of the sugar content in yogurt comes naturally. But add in the flavoring, syrupy fruits and granola toppings, and watch the sugar count start to climb. Even those made with artificial sweeteners are not healthy. Aspartame –a commonly used sweetener – is not good for us. It often can give one a headache.

The Familykenkel suggests trying the low-fat or no-fat Greek yogurts. To add extra flavor to distract from its kind of bitter taste, add some fresh fruit or berries, a touch of honey or a sparkling of cinnamon. Greek yogurt also adds a boost of protein for the day. So dig in, readers. And ditch the extra sugar.

Tips for Staying Safe in Storms

This is the perfect time of year for enjoying activities outside, and it is also the time of year when sudden storms can erupt. Familykenkel offer some tips to stay safe at home, work and when outside.

The U.S. National Weather Service’s motto for storm season is “When Thunder Rroars, Go Indoors”. This is a good rule to follow as lightning is unpredictable. Below are some tips to follow if you find yourself outside when a storm is on approach.

• Find the nearest structure or building to go into.
• If the sky looks threatening, go inside immediately.
• Stay inside 30 minutes after the last lighting is seen or last roar of thunder is heard.
• When inside, do not touch anything that is plugged into an electrical outlet, plumbing and corded phones. Cell phones and cordless phones are safe.
• Stay away from door and windows.
• Don’t lie on a garage floor.

Lightning can enter a structure three ways: a direct strike, through wires or pipes that extend outside the structure, and through the ground. Once inside, lightning can travel through the ways mentioned above, and through any metal wires or bars in concrete walls or flooring.

Familykenkel learns that there have been two deaths from lightning strikes in Florida in 2014 and 4 in 2013. There were 23 deaths in 2013 altogether. Readers should know that lighting victims do not carry an electrical charge and are safe to touch. Call 911 and start CPR is they are not responsive.

Working with Soon-To-Be New Moms at Work

Spring is baby season and many offices may see a bump in expectant moms. Familykenkel offers tips on working with pregnant co-workers.

It should go without saying but it must be said anyway:

• Never ask an expectant mom how much weight she’s gained
• Never comment what she’s wearing or eating
• Don’t offer pregnancy or parenting advice if not asked
• Don’t touch the woman’s tummy without asking unless you are the dad and we are not joking
• Avoid any questions about planned or surprise pregnancies.

It’s okay to ask if she knows the gender of her child. It’s also okay to ask what names are being considered. But please, keep any negative personal thoughts about gender and names to yourself. Familykenkel also suggests asking if there is something you can do to help the expectant mom in the office. Maybe a run to the nearest deli for lunch. Perhaps she has a doctor appointment and needs her desk covered. Hopefully, the requests for assistance won’t be too many making colleagues feel taken advantage of. As the baby’s arrival time nears, make plans to take the mom out for lunch or host an office baby shower. Let her know that her job awaits her when she returns. Soon, the pictures of the baby will start circulating and those who want to see them can. Here’s hoping that baby season is a happy one for both soon-to-be mom and her colleagues and co-workers.

Growing and Healing Through the Struggles

		From Heather's Daily Reflections: “In order for children to open up to their past trauma memories, the parent has to be willing to be a 'parental sponge'--acknowledging, absorbing, and experiencing every feeling, every tear, and every fear associated with the trauma. Now that is connection!" Question: I just read my first reflection, regarding being a parental sponge and while I agree with the spirit of it, my concern is this: “Experiencing your child's or client's trauma at such an intensity, couldn't that create trauma for the person being the 'sponge'?" I feel I am very empathic but how can I do that without hurting myself?
ANSWER: This is an insightful question. Traditionally, most of us are empathic and give compassion in a way that ultimately drains us. This is because of a core belief that tells us that by giving empathy, we will be able to make this person better or that we have the ability to "fix" the problem for this person. We own that it is up to us to get this person to shift into a calm, peaceful, and regulated state. Their issue then becomes our issue and we stay focused on the outcome of them being better. It becomes a simple mathematical equation. If I give empathy (E), if I listen (L), and if I spend my time with this person (T) , he will be better (B). E + L + T = B Yet, when we give these three and the result is not what we expected, we feel a sense of failure. We turn it back on ourselves and hear the old negative tapes playing in our head, "I didn't try hard enough." "I'm not good enough." "I should have done something different." BAM! The negative feedback loop then feeds on itself right within our own mind. Fatigue, overwhelm, and even resentment begin to brew within our internal selves. In order to be a sponge, the only action we need to take is to simply be present with our child (or friend, spouse, coworker). It is not up to us to make this person better. The reality is that we cannot change or fix another person. We can surround them with support; we can love them unconditionally, free of judgment or control; we can set appropriate boundaries, and we can align with their pain. Yet in doing this, it is still ultimately up to them to make their life work. Additionally, if we enter into an interaction with a child, expecting him to be better, we are actually adding more stress to the equation, which will create more fear and hinder the healing process. We must stay focused on giving our love without expecting anything in return. That is the essential definition of love. Entering into an interaction with an expectation of an outcome is not true love. This is conditional love. Conditional love drains us. Unconditional love energizes and liberates us. So that is the theory and I know you are reading this and wanting some meat to chew on--you want application to your 16-year-old teenager whose girlfriend just dumped him and he is feeling like the entire world is coming to an end. You see how his past abandonment issues are being triggered and how this situation is being magnified due to his early adoption history. Reprogram your thinking to see that what he needs is your support, your attention, and your unconditional acceptance. It is not up to you to make this okay for him. Trust that it is in the struggles of life that we learn and grow to our maximum potential. By being empathetic, by listening, by spending time, and being present with him you are doing EVERYTHING for him. Stay focused on the outcome of you being the absolutely best parent you can be, no matter the outcome of his emotional state at the moment. Your "success" cannot be tied to his feeling better instantaneously. Keep being the sponge for your child’s pain. Become energized by the power of putting unconditional love into action. There is no greater state to be in on this planet!

Commencement Speeches Worth Remembering

Familykenkel notes:  it's commencement season.  Usually delivered by a roster of successful, dignified but dry and eminently forgettable speakers, the commencement speech is often seen by the capped-and-gowned graduates as a formality merely to be endured before they can get their hands on their diplomas and say goodbye to school.  But this season, there are some notable exceptions to this sometimes boring tradition.  To have a celebrity speaker show up -- unannounced -- or an artist of words or music, can make a student's commencement ceremony something that will actually be remembered in the decades to come.

Familykenkel salutes the Class of 2014 along with some notable commencement speakers.

We at the Familykenkel would like to be there to hear some of the commencement day speeches being delivered this year.  Actress and producer Sandra Bullock surprised the students at a New Orleans high school by walking onstage and delivering a poignant speech.  She had also made a donation to the school's reconstruction efforts following Hurricane Katrina.  Jill Abramson, freshly fired from her position as Executive Editor of the New York Times had some memorable things to say to Wake Forest University graduates.  Singer John Legend spoke at his alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania.  Actor Ed Helms, swimmer Diana Nyad and CEO of YouTube, Susan Wojcicki, are all scheduled to speak at schools later this month.

Where the Selfies Are

What cities are photographed the most in a selfie smart phone photos? Familykenkel finds out.

When out and about this Memorial Day weekend, we bet most readers will take at least one selfie. Where you take them matters as we found out when searching for the most photographed cities for those who tend to be more narcissistic than others.

London, England is the number one city in the world for selfie pictures. With all of its fantastic castles, Big Ben, the London Bridge etc. there is no reason why it would rank lower. Who knows? Maybe Prince Harry will photobomb your self-taken picture the next time?

A travel site called suggestme.com collected data from more than 6 million social media pages to compile the list of most photographed city in a selfie. New York and Amsterdamcame in second and third with Barcelona, Paris, Berlin, Rome, Sydney, Istanbul, and Athensfollowing to make the top 10 selfie cities. And in some cities, zoo animals are taking selfies with cameras mounted on tree branches.

Familykenkel wants to know where do take the most selfies? Home? Vacation? On the back of the boat in the blog below? Snap a shot and share it with us. 

Caution When Bringing Out the Summer Playthings

Familykenkel warns that boats and other fun summer toys that have been stored for several months may have been used as a refuge for unexpected visitors.  Along with the ubiquitous mosquitoes that can breed in the smallest space containing standing water left over from the melting snow, a host of unexpected creatures may be using an overturned boat, car cover, children's swimming pool or other storage space as a winter home.  The unintended guest list may include mice, rats, stray cats, squirrels, birds, raccoons, skunks and opossums.

Familykenkel says:  be careful when hauling your summer gear out of winter storage.

The Forbes Living TV show reminds viewers to take it slow when pulling these items out of a long winter's storage.  As well as critters that may still be residing therein, other hazards include a winter's worth of droppings and damage to a vehicle's upholstery.  Also, spring is birthing season, so one might encounter a whole family of animals, and a mother who will fiercely defend her young from any intruder, even if that intruder happens to be the home owner whose hospitality she has been enjoying all winter.  If this is the case, do not try to evict the family by yourself, call a licensed professional who can remove them safely and humanely.

Who is Staying at the Hotel?

There are telling signs which wave a big “hot shot staying here” flag at hotels. But how do the regular Joe and Jane know? Familykenkel shares a few secrets about how to know who that famous person is staying at the hotel.

Look in the parking lot. If you see a lot of big, dark cars and SUVs, chances are there is celebrity, athlete or other big shot staying there.

Listen carefully. If you hear the concierge and other hotel staff making odd comments such as “the package has arrived”, chances are the hot shot just pulled into the parking lot or perhaps checked in at the front desk. Also listen to strange names when someone checks in like Raggedy Ann or Jack Beanstalk.

Do some staff members have a little something extra pinned to their uniforms? Perhaps a little button? These folks have passed the vetting process and are allowed on certain floors where the power guest is staying. That little button lets the security detail know that the staffer is allowed up there.

Look up. As in way, way up. The very top floor of any nice hotel is usually the penthouse floor and that’s where the famous and politically famous like to rest.

Familykenkel suggests always be aware of these things which can signify that someone well-known is staying at the same hotel. Remember that if someone else asks for a photo or autograph first, then the celebrity is fair game. (Even if it their ghost)

When Is a Dead Celebrity's Career Finished?

We at Familykenkel caught Michael Jackson's performance at an awards show the other night.  The strange thing is that this performer passed away some five years ago.  While re-releasing performances by deceased celebrities is nothing new, technology has brought the phenomenon to a whole new level.  On-stage, there were other performers -- live and alive -- dancing with Mr. Jackson.  The jury is still out, as a stunned nation tries to decide what to make of this.  Most commentators have referred to the elevated "creepy" factor in reference to the performance.

Familykenkel salutes the performers who can sing and dance no more, but who are still on top of the charts.

The Familykenkel recalls previous examples of exhumed talent living to entertain again.  There have been musical duets involving a deceased partner, such as Natalie Cole's duets with her late father, Nat King Cole.  We saw a TV commercial for vacuum cleaners starring Fred Astaire, long after the celebrated dancer was no longer with us.  In fact, the highest-grossing faces used in advertisements and printed on merchandise usually involve deceased performers, such as Elvis Presley, who has topped that chart for many years.  If these much-loved entertainers can bring a smile to today's faces, is that a bad thing?  Maybe there is a line which is dangerously close to being crossed, beyond which it's just too much for an audience to take.

The Power of Parenting

		QUESTION: I'm having a difficult time keeping myself focused on parenting in the Beyond Consequences way. I read several of your books and agree with them, but there are days that I feel like it is all for nothing. We have one good day where I think, "Great, this is it." Then the next three days we all are dysregulated and I feel discouraged. I keep thinking that I'd rather go back to my full-time job, working 60 hours a week with deadlines due yesterday! Do you have any words of wisdom?
ANSWER:A few of days ago, I was attending a small group meeting and in order to introduce a few new members at this group, an icebreaker was given. We were asked to go around the room and instead of telling what we did for a living, we were asked what our parents did for a living when we were growing up. Several of the participants, after describing credentialed careers of high cultural status of their fathers, remarked, "But my mom was just a housewife." Just a housewife! How sad I was to hear this coming from grown men and women who had a parent home with them to support them, guide them, and teach them around the clock. Parenting is the most important job on this planet. You know this, I know this, but there has not been enough recognition in our society. Perhaps this is due to the intangible nature of this job. This job does not have a paycheck, there are no holiday bonuses, and there is no big desk to sit behind with plaques and certificates to recognize the accomplishments or to present the significance of this job to others. Good news - this has changed! We are now living in a time where we can show real, tangible evidence of how important this job of parenting is for children. We now have solid, objective evidence that shows the need and importance of safe, attuned, and supportive parenting. To give you an example, the image below shows the brain scans of two different three-year-olds. On the left side is a healthy three-year-old who has been in a nurturing and loving home his entire life. This child is showing an average size head (50th percentile). On the right side is a three-year-old who suffered severe sensory-deprivation neglect. This child's head is significantly smaller than average (3rd percentile). These images are taken from Dr. Bruce Perry's research ("Childhood Experience and the Expression of Genetic Potential: What Childhood Neglect Tells Us About Nature and Nurture." Brain and Mind 3: 79-100, 2002).
While this example is extreme in nature, other examples of research have shown the significance of nurturing care. Research is showing that simple changes in a child's environment can literally change a child's physiology. We are seeing that by placing children with trauma histories in calmer environments with more love-based parenting techniques where a deep level of emotional safety is created, stress hormones within these children's body systems are decreasing. This means that parents have the ability to literally change the chemical make-up of their children (not to mention themselves, as well)! Certainly this is a job is just as powerful as the attorney next door or the mayor of your city. From the research today, our responsibility, or "job description," as parents, is to help our children heal. While not an easy task, it is possible. It takes us changing our perspective not only to understand our children and ourselves, but a change in our understanding as to the significance of parenting. No more "just a housewife." So, instead of waking up in the morning thinking, "I've got to get up, fix my children breakfast, pack their lunches, somehow get them out to school on time through the tantrums and meltdowns, and then prepare myself for the dreaded homework after school!" I encourage you to say to yourself, "Today is the day that I will press on to help change my child's brain. Today is the day that I have the ability to create safety for my child through predictability, understanding, and loving support in order to help my child heal at a physiological and emotional level." Wow! Now that is something worth jumping out of bed for!

Memorial Day Decorating Ideas

American holiday Memorial Day is early this year on May 26. Many families will be hitting the road or the skies to enjoy a relaxing long weekend with friends and family. Those who are hosting holiday picnics and parties will find some fun Memorial Day decorating ideas below.

Familykenkel presents ten fun ways to decorate a picnic table or any outdoor table:

1. Cover the table the newspaper
2. Stick little American flags in red and blue plastic cups and toss some small stones in to prevent the cups from tipping over. Position cups with flags around the tables.
3. Use denim-colored or dark blue placemats.
4. Using a permanent marker, let each guest write their name on a plastic cup.
5. Put red, white and blue note cards on the table with markers or pens and ask each person to write a note of thanks to troops serving overseas. Collect them in a basket to mail on the day after the holiday.
6. Use a tin tub filled with ice for sodas and other drinks.
7. Make desserts holiday-themed with red and blue berries and pineapple or bananas cut to look like stars.
8. Baseballs, footballs and other American-themed sports items can be tossed in a colorful container and set the main food table as its centerpiece.
9. If using sparklers to decorate, be sure to light them away from the table and small children.
10. Familykenkel suggests sitting beside someone you haven’t seen in a while and catch up

Dressing the Men

Women love to shop and shopping is more rewarding when they can find the most dashing outfit for the men in their lives. Familykenkel offers some ideas for dressing the men – part one of four – chambray for any occasion.

Who is that guy? Is he an outdoorsman who loves to hike, fish or surf and later stay home with a few good flicks and you?

Or is he the kind of man who can handle a rough game of football with friends and clean up so nicely afterward that the only choice is to take him out and show him off?

No matter what kind of man he is, there is something stylish and sexy in chambray available this fashion season for the main dude in your life. Just pick your style and price point threshold.

Chambray is a lightweight and lighter colored denim that looks awesome on almost everyone. Men, especially, look ruggedly handsome in it. Chambray shirts are available from the more affordable retailers like Old Navy to the tonier ones like Polo Ralph Lauren. And they are available in a variety of styles from dress shirt to sporty. The priciest one we saw is selling for $450.00. A more affordable shirt in the same dress shirt style is below and sells for $29.00. (And we thought the margin was monstrous for women’s fashion.) Familykenkel suggests finding a cool chambray shirt in the style that fits your man the best.

Alerts of Debtors -- You Have Rights

Familykenkel assures you that if you're receiving calls from a collection agent, otherwise known as a bill collector, you're not alone.  One in seven Americans are hearing from these financial professionals on a regular basis.  It may make you feel nervous and intimidated, but don't forget:  you have rights.  First, make sure they have the correct person, because many of them are working with old files, old phone numbers or they may simply not be too careful.  They aren't allowed to call you before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m.  Collection agents aren't permitted by law to harass, intimidate, threaten or embarrass you.  They're also not permitted to call your family or friends in order to apply pressure on you.

The Familykenkel reminds you that you can report any abusive or unlawful activity perpetrated by a debt collector.  However, it may be difficult to find out the caller's true name or company in order to report them.  By this time, the debt has probably been purchased from your original creditor and the calling agency has no further connection with them.  Therefore, when you are ready to pay the debt, you have some room to negotiate a lower settlement or arrange for a payment plan.  They most likely paid a discounted amount to purchase your debt, so they often will accept a bit less from you to pay them off.  It never hurts to ask.

How to Enjoy an Affordable Memorial Day

Three day weekend holidays are great as most working Americans have the holiday off.  But with so many people out of work and struggling to make ends meet, Familykenkel wanted to offer some ideas about how to have an affordable or free weekend.

Pot luck picnics are fun and allow families and friends to get together. It’s not too late to plan one. Send a holiday themed email to people and ask them if they want to attend and what they can bring. It might be a good idea to suggest everyone bring their own drinks, and tableware. Find a local park or someone’s big backyard to have meet, eat and play. The idea is to not have to pay an entry fee.

Go to a local Memorial Day service. They are inspiring and make great educational moments for children. Many cities across the country have one. Parking is usually free although it can get crowded.

Gather the family and brainstorm ideas for a cool family retreat. Scout the local newspapers for free admission to zoos, parks and museums. Some city pools will be open this weekend.

Since the weather may not be too cooperative, Familykenkel suggests having a movie day in. Use your favorite video rental program to choose family favorites. Cook barbeque food and then sit back and enjoy the time with your family.

Success or Failure

				Q: I have to say that in the two weeks we used the techniques in the book, my son has gone from occasional and minor non-compliance to a constant source of rude talking, anger, misbehavior and general disruption. As of yesterday we are trying to forget everything we learned in an effort to recover from this catastrophic experiment. I guess it doesn't work for everyone.
A: I certainly want to address this Email I was sent by a discouraged parent because I know that it can be frustrating and disheartening to see negativity in a home intensify when trying to make positive changes. Implementing a new technique in the home can create disruption for families. A new technique is change and in our children's perspectives, change is inherently bad because something bad is going to happen, thus threatening their relative sense of safety. The Beyond Consequences paradigm is an absolute 180 degree shift from what many families have traditionally used. Yet, an increase in negative behavior can actually be seen as a step in the right direction for families beginning their journey down the Beyond Consequences healing road. Let me explain... We traditionally use behaviors as a gauge to determine whether our child is "good" or "bad." We are a behaviorally and outcome based society, where the behavior determines either success or failure. Unfortunately, we deny the process and only focus on the end result. With sensitive children (i.e., children acting out with defiant and severe behaviors), losing our focus of the process creates fear within us as parents. If we only see a child as being rude, misbehaving, and angry, then all we see is failure. In this example, I want to encourage the parent to see that the change in behavior, albeit an increase in negative behavior, is actually a sign of an improved process. This child is expressing more of himself and sharing his pain and fear with the parent. The child is discharging past trauma. Trauma gets stored in the mind and body of a child and it has to be released. The releasing of trauma is never "pretty." Allowing the discharge of trauma then allows the process of healing to begin. Emotional expession is a learned behavior. Most children coming out of trauma have only learned to express themselves in negative and rude ways. The process of recovery and healing involves first allowing for a short period the child to express in the only way they know how and then tightening up the boundaries around how to express appropriately. It is our job through the interactions with our children to teach them how to express themselves in positive ways. In the beginning, try to think of attitudes and sassiness simply as a communication of a deeper trauma issue, knowing that as you build the relationship and the trust, then it is time to teach and expect better ways of communicating from your child. Now be honest with yourself when answering this question: When you've been stressed out, felt like you are not being heard, and felt completely overwhelmed, did you ever react to those closest to you in a disrespectful, angry, or inappropriate way? I'm thinking your answer is "yes." We act like this when we have no other means to get someone to connect with us and to connect with our needs. I believe that by implementing the Beyond Consequences paradigm in this home, this parent actually created more safety and more emotional space for this child to move out of a hypo-aroused state (inwardly shut-down state) into a hyper-aroused state (outwardly, angry state). By increasing the level of safety, removing the threat of punishment, and responding instead of reacting, this parent created space for this child to express himself. This is a victory. Yet it is only a victory if we stay focused on the process. It is vital to accept that the process may be "ugly" and "uncomfortable" and yes, "disrespectful" (as seen from the traditional model) but if we truly understand that our children need to time discharge the trauma and "unlearn" poor communication skills, it should not be difficult to accept this as part of the healing process. Meeting our children exactly where they are is the only way to move them forward to bring them exactly where we think they should be. When a child shifts from a hypo-aroused to hyper-aroused state, celebrate. Yes, celebrate that tantrums are happening! Finally, the child is venturing out of his/her shell and is getting out the fear, pain, and stress instead of keeping it locked down. This is the healing moment. This is the opportunity to reach in and connect with the child in order to demostrate through experience what a safe relationship with a parent can be like. Creating emotional safety and space for emotional expression is scary and it takes courage. I do believe that love works for everyone. It is simply a matter of focusing on the relationship, focusing on the process of trauma recovery, and giving our children time to re-learn appropriate ways to express their emotions. In doing so, the ONLY possible outcome to follow will be "good behavior."

Why Gardening is Therapeutic

Digging in the dirt and planting flowers, bushes and veggies not only beautifies the backyard, but gives us a good mental health boost to boot. Familykenkel shares the good news about gardening.

Anyone who has spent a little time planting a container garden or one which is larger can attest to the fact that it feels good to get your hands dirty. It also feels good to know that you’re beginning something you are vested in seeing grow and bloom – literally.  Some therapists are treating patients with a new treatment called horticultural therapy. Those who gain the most benefits from it are those who are anxious, stressed out, or depressed. Planting live things makes people feel happier and more alive. It is a mild form of exercise for both the body and the brain. It eases stress. It awakens the brain. It is relaxing.

However, Familykenkel notes that therapy gardening is a bit different than home gardening. People who are taking horticultural therapy do it away from the home. Professional gardeners come by to help keep the planted items alive. The patient can either plants things or can sit in a garden-like area and work a little bit with the plants and flowers. If being outdoors is something you enjoy, take time to find and create your own therapeutic garden. Plant herbs which are fragrant and can be dried and used for other purposes. Try to grow vegetables and fruits to eat also. It’s all good and all good for us. Invest in your own type of horticultural therapy and begin to feel better.

Fruits and Veggies Boost a Longer, Healthier Life

It is not so surprising to learn that the American Heart Association is reporting that eating more fruit and veggies reduces the chance of having a stroke. The real news that Familykenkelg learns is that it cuts the risk by one third.

Strokes are the fourth leading cause of death in the United States. A stroke occurs when blood flow to part of the brain is blocked by a clot or a burst blood vessel. Without emergency care, a stroke can lead to severe brain damage or death. It is therefore beneficial to add more healthy greens to every day diets. When we add a variety of healthier foods such as greens, tomatoes, peaches, plums, bananas and more to every day meals, we are eating our way to lower weight, lower blood pressure, reducing the chance of developing diabetes and cutting stroke risk by a significant percentage. 

Familykenkel also encourages readers to ditch unhealthy habits which can harm health such as smoking, drinking too much every day and arguing with a partner all the time. These raise blood pressure and add stress to the heart.  Instead, focus on food. Produce is easy to find in the grocery store. Frozen produce is affordable and lasts longer the fresh. Fruit can be bought in bulk at discount stores and frozen until ready to eat. Be creative when planning meals and make it fun for the family to eat.

Energy Drinks are Not Good for Kids

Health and medical experts agree that active children should only be drinking water when participating in sports and other physical activities.Familykenkel looks into why these drinks are not good for children.

Energy drinks are usually full of sugar which can cause teeth to decay, add unwanted weight and may entice kids to try other things which aren’t good for them such as beer. Energy and sports drinks are made for adults yet more children are drinking them. Water is always the best source for hydration for children under the age of 18. Sugary and highly caffeinated beverages can cause restlessness and anxiety. Energy drinks, while tasting good and sweet, also may cause kids to be significantly more intense in play, which can be harmful to them and others. While children who drink sports beverages tend to be active in organized sports, they are also more likely to watch more TV than the occasional user of the beverage. Familykenkel learns that children who drink more energy and sports drinks are also more likely to have tried cigarettes than those who did not try the drinks. It’s important to know the ingredients in these beverages and the amount of sugar and caffeine in order to make an informed decision about buying them.

Affordable Summer Fun Activities for Kids

Summer is near and that means that school will be out soon. Parents can find a bunch of affordable summer fun ideas for kids right here from Familykenkel.

When school ends, children have more time on their hands to get into mischief and mayhem. Why not keep them busy and active? Below are some ideas found on the web and from the writer’s childhood.

Summer day camps are run by school systems, non-profit organizations and specialty groups. Ask the child what they’re interested in and find a program which fits their likes. Many cities offer affordable options for the public.

City and county libraries offer movie afternoons, reading groups and special guests. Introduce a child to the library, get them their own library card and they are on their way to endless adventures which cost nothing more than the price of the card.

Public swimming pools usually offer family passes which are discounted and are good all summer long. Buy one for the family.

Hit the beach, take the kids out for a nature hike in the area and enjoy a picnic afterwards.

There are also cool things to do at home like make some arts and crafts, play in water sprinklers, and the one thing moms love the most – quiet hour. Send kids to their rooms for one hour of peace and quiet to read or nap. Familykenkel suggests readers start today to find something entertaining and active for children of all ages to do this summer.

Trash or Treasure?

				Q: I have an eight-year-old adopted daughter who has difficulties giving away things such as packages, candy wrappers, lollipop sticks, clothes that she's outgrown, etc. What should I do? A: Often our children do things that are outside of our perceptual understanding, yet from the child's point of view, her actions are quite logical and rational. As a parent, it takes the willingness to stop and think about the behavior and to consider what is actually driving the behavior.
In your daughter's case, we as adults see these things as having no value, yet your daughter sees these things as having value. Thus, the conflict is in the interpretation of perceived value. So, the first thing to do is to create an understanding of why your daughter perceives these things as valuable. As an adopted child, your daughter has past experiences of abandonment, rejection, and insecurity, even if adopted at birth. These past experiences have become part of her internal subconscious mind and can influence her actions and decisions. Many times adopted children interpret their adoption experience to mean that they must not have value, especially children with more traumatic adoption experiences. The subconscious mind develops a program that says, "If I were of more value, then my birth family would have kept me." I have worked with children who, by the age of five years old, have been able to express that they did not deserve to even be on this planet. Now that is at the bottom of the barrel of not having self-worth! It could be that your daughter's resistance to throwing things away is representative of her perception of not feeling valued and worthy. This resistance is perhaps a way to recreate a new experience for herself. Most importantly, we must see that by keeping these items, she is creating security around her. Surrounding herself with these items is a way of creating a sense of safety, which helps to regulate her internal fear of being rejected or abandoned. Children often use "things" to create a safe world for themselves (and if we are honest, we do this as adults, as well). This is similar to hoarding, as described in my book Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, Volume 1. I recommend reading Chapter 8 as it explains how hoarding becomes a way for children to create safety and security in their lives. Your daughter's behavior is quite similar. At the age of eight, she is still a concrete thinker and identifies with things she can feel or hold. Her abstract thinking is not online at this point, so reassuring her verbally that she is valuable, worthy, and loved may not be completely comprehensible at this point in her development. She needs tangible items that she can touch and see in order to feel safe and secure. While I believe it is important to start helping her to process her feelings around being adopted and to process any traumatic experiences, I also believe that she needs these items in her life to continue moving forward in her healing process. It is what she has found that works for her in this moment. The irony is that the more you try to remove these items or get her to dispose of them, the more stressed she will become, hence the more resistant and insecure she will be in her relationship with you. This does not mean you have to allow your house to become a junkyard like Fred Sanford's of "Sanford and Sons." However, your daughter has found a way to create security and respecting that is imperative to strengthening her relationship with you. Perhaps you can celebrate this and acknowledge it by creating a special box or even a trunk into which she can put all her "treasures." It is her "safety-deposit" box. No matter the size of the box, she will ultimately need to give up some of her treasures. Acknowledge how difficult it is to make a choice of which items to keep and which ones to throw out. Validate her feelings of this process. As you become accepting of her desire to have these things (remember, it isn't about you not being a good enough parent), your daughter will be more willing to explore her feelings around this behavior. As she is able to verbally explore her feelings, you will be helping her to reach the fear that is driving this behavior. When our subconscious fears are brought to the conscious level, they no longer have the ability to drive negative behaviors. Talk about how the things in this box help her feel safe and work to then help her transition that feeling of safety to her relationship with you. Talk to her about how you want to help her feel safe, also. Invite her to come get you when she is feeling stressed and upset. In joining her in this experience instead of trying to make her get rid of the experience, you have just become a safe place for her. Here is the shift in all of this: By accepting her desire to have these items and by working with her on this issue, you are giving her the message that she is valuable, that her ideas are worthy, and that she is lovable -- the core issues that are behind this behavior to begin with! By connecting with her fears and understanding her actions, you have the greatest opportunity for healing and relationship available. Ultimately, she will see you as her safety-deposit box instead.

Five Pieces of Advice to Never Give

We all know someone who thinks they have the answer to everything, can solve all types of problems and is the best life adviser. Familykenkel has some advice for them.

There are big topics that no one should ever advise anyone else about.

Raising children – Parents know their children the best. What works for one family may not work for the other. Refrain from offering parenting advice unless asked.

Pregnancy – Oh boy are there people who just love to make comments to expectant moms about what to eat, not to eat, wear and not to wear. But to be clear, unless you are her doctor, please keep your comments to yourself.

The home – Some people are busier than others, some have full-time jobs and some do not. What you see in someone else’s home from a random dust bunny to a cloudy glass should not be commented on – unless you are offering to come over do the dishes or clean the house.

Single Friends – There is a reason some people are still single when the people around them are married. They like it this way. Please don’t make comments on what they need to do in order to find a mate.

Physical appearance –Familykenkel knows that no one is perfect. Your style of dress may not be someone else’s style. Some men prefer a scruffy beard and others a clean shave face. Some women like to change their hair color regularly while others prefer to stick to their hair’s natural color. Whatever the difference are, they are the differences which make all unique. Embrace them. And refrain from offering advice if not asked.