The Herbfarm Restaurant From farm to be able good table

We’re indisputably spoiled in the bounty of the Pacific Northwest. The abundance of fresh foodstuffs available has spawned countless restaurants featuring the flora and fauna of the region’s spectacular local environment. It’s not enough to say you cook “local food”, because it’s ubiquitous and obvious—now.

It hasn’t always been so. The Herbfarm Restaurant, and founders Ron Zimmerman and Carrie Van Dyck, were among the first visionaries to celebrate local food before it was obvious to do so.

Located 30 minutes out of Seattle, tucked away in the winery enclave of picturesque Woodinville, Washington, the Herbfarm is perennially rated one of the top restaurants in the United States. Singularly focused on seasonality, the menu changes every few weeks and is based on themes: The Great Basil Banquet, A Mycologist’s Dream, A Taste of Trees … Even within these windows of seasons the menu changes nightly, sometimes being finalized only hours before guests arrive.

Of course, with such advance menu planning and an out-of-the-way location, guests have to do their part, and must book in advance for the dinner. With prices ranging from $170–225 USD per person plus taxes, it’s not a spur-of-the-moment dinner out. The advance reservation ensures that all dietary concessions are considered, that your presence is eagerly awaited, and your table prepared for you (private or a seat at the convivial communal table) upon arrival.

One memorable dinner took place last fall for Über Tuber, an homage to the humble potato. Over four hours, nine courses, and generous pairings, we enjoyed potatoes in every imaginable way. The most generous food known, spuds produce more food per acre than any grain or legume and there are more than 400 varieties cultivated for 8,000 years in the western Andes. Talented next-gen chef Chris Weber (the youngest overseeing any of America’s 47 AAA 5-Diamond restaurants) did his utmost to get his hands on and utilize as many of these as he could. Our menu included Carola, Ozette, Purple Majesty, La Ratte, Maris Piper, Bintje, and more.

Über Tuber started off with a cup of good cheer in the form of house-harvested and brewed medlar and rose geranium tea, followed by a tour in the extensive herb garden with the generous and experienced Van Dyck—complete with plucking and tasting—knowing full well these very herbs would soon find their way to our plates. Zimmerman, an unpretentious and humorous encyclopedia of culinary and vinous knowledge, hosted the evening, introducing the crew, chef, and each course.

Course after course of imaginative, exquisitely presented, expertly prepared food filled the tables: tubers mashed with fresh king crab leg, turned into waffles with coho roe and rose radish in the form of Espelette pepper tater tots, and in the midst of Oregon black truffle gratin. Dessert even featured the versatile spud by way of chocolate dipped potato chips and walnut mashed potato fudge.

Sommelier Joey Lopaka constantly refilled Riedel glasses with specially selected wines from the Herbfarm’s collection of 26,000 bottles and 4,500 selections, special wines plucked from Pacific Northwest wineries. Wine geeks supplemented the evening with exceptional wines from the Herbfarm cellars. I enjoyed a 1945 Massandra Rose Muscat, a flight of rare Rutherglen Rosewood muscats (including a solera began in 1890), and finished with a spectacular 1795 Madeira. Yes, Madeira from the 18th century. It might just be the oldest drinkable wine still available to taste in the world.

The whole Herbfarm experience achieves umami—that complete sensory experience of capturing the ingredients, the moment, and the flavours at their peak. With a Spanish guitarist strumming, fire crackling in the kitchen, candles providing a flattering glow, and a well-paced flow of beautiful plates and glasses, friends are made here, united by love of food and wine. Time flies by and stands still, but the memories (oh that Madeira) will always remain.

More research : regulation needed on energy drinks

A new review of the existing evidence suggests that energy drinks may represent a looming public health threat in Europe, especially for kids and young adults.

The main health risks from energy drinks come from very high caffeine levels and a higher likelihood of consuming alcohol and tobacco with the drinks, as well as engaging in other risky behaviors, the study team says in the journal Frontiers in Public Health.

There are also ingredients other than caffeine in some of the drinks – such as guarana and taurine - whose effects are so poorly studied it’s hard to say whether they’re safe in large quantities and in children and teens, the authors add.

“The way these beverages are marketed can also sometimes be a challenge given they apparently target young people,” said Joao Breda, who led the study.

Breda is with the World Health Organization Regional Office for Europe, but the paper does not reflect WHO views or policy, he notes.

About 500 new brands of energy drinks were released worldwide in 2006, he and his colleagues write.

In the U.S., sales of energy drinks have increased by about 10 percent per year between 2008 and 2012. A European Food Safety Authority study in 2011 found that 68 percent of adolescents aged 10 to 18 years old, 18 percent of children under age 10 and 30 percent of adults in the European Union were consuming energy drinks.

Breda said his team reviewed existing studies because public health researchers had asked for more concrete and updated information on the issue of energy drinks.

“We then realized very few studies were available and thought it could be a good idea to summarize the scarce and still insufficient evidence available,” he told Reuters Health in an email.

The researchers selected papers that had looked at the adverse effects of energy drinks and found that much of the potential risk comes from the caffeine in the drinks.

In Europe, for example, energy drinks are responsible for 43 percent of the caffeine consumed by kids and 18 percent of the caffeine consumed by teens, according to the 2011 study.

On average, people in that study consumed an average of one liter (34 ounces) of the drinks per month, but some drank more than four liters per month and more than 13 percent of young adult consumers reported drinking up to one liter per session.

The research Breda’s team reviewed also showed that teens who consumed energy drinks were more likely to use tobacco and other harmful substances, to drink alcohol and to be at a greater risk for depression and physical injuries requiring medical treatment. (See Reuters Health stories of March 5, 2014, here: reut.rs/12cF9is and December 12, 2013, here: reut.rs/1CWEhd2).

About 70 percent of young adults who drink energy drinks mix them with alcohol, the study team found.

“Due to their stimulant effect they may cover up the fatigue and drunkenness effect of alcohol leading to heavier alcohol consumption and incorrect perception of actual state especially in inexperienced drinkers, namely adolescents,” Breda said.

But the drinks are marketed with an emphasis on their ability to boost energy and enhance focus, and the marketing is largely targeted to young males, according to the report.

Many of the concerns about energy drinks do seem to be related to caffeine, said Christopher Gindlesperger from the American Beverage Association, but he pointed out that most mainstream energy drinks contain about half the caffeine of a similar sized cup of coffee.

“Importantly, leading energy drink makers also voluntarily display total caffeine amounts from all sources on their packages,” he told Reuters Health.

Gindlesperger said energy drink makers also display an advisory statement on their packages indicating that the product is not intended (or recommended) for children, pregnant or nursing women, or persons sensitive to caffeine.

“And they do not market energy drinks to children or sell or market them in K-12 schools,” he noted.

“It appears clear that excessive or irresponsible consumption of energy drinks does represent a public health problem,” said Michael Siegel, a researcher at the Boston University School of Public Health who was not involved in the review

“The problem of very high caffeine content in some brands could be dealt with effectively through legislation that places a limit on the maximum allowable amount of caffeine in these beverages,” Siegel said.

But, he added the problem of youth mixing alcohol and energy drinks is more insidious and more difficult to deal with.

“The FDA has already removed from the market all malt-type beverages that contain caffeine,” he said in an email.

But, Siegel added that many young people mix caffeine into alcoholic beverages on their own.

“What is perhaps needed are educational campaigns that teach youth about the negative consequences of mixing caffeine and alcohol,” he said.

Rebecca McKetin said that in addition to the caffeine, people should also be aware of the high sugar content of these beverages.

“People are effectively consuming a lot of soft drink, which increases their risk of obesity, diabetes, tooth decay etc.,” said McKetin, of the Australian National University’s Center for Research on Ageing, Health and Well-being in Canberra.

McKetin said there is a convenience factor in the delivery of caffeine in these drinks that opens up opportunities to consume them in a manner that is different to what we have seen with traditional caffeinated beverages such as tea and coffee.

“It is much easier to open a can of Red Bull than to make an espresso, and the sugary additives in energy drinks masks the bitterness of the caffeine,” she told Reuters Health in an email.

Americans eating less trans fat, but still too much

Between 1980 and 2009, Americans’ consumption of trans fat dropped by about a third and intake of saturated fats declined as well, but both are still more common in daily diets than the American Heart Association (AHA) recommends, according to a new study.

“Other studies have previously shown a decline in trans fat intake over time, but our study is the first to look at such a long period of time,” lead author Mary Ann Honors of the Division of Epidemiology and Community Health in the School of Public Health at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.

“Trans fat intake declined by over one third, which was great to see,” Honors told Reuters Health by email.

The 12,500 people enrolled in the Minnesota Heart Study described in detail what they had eaten over the previous 24 hours in a series of six surveys over a 30-year period. Researchers compared their reported types and amounts of nutrients with recommendations from the 2010 Dietary Guidelines for Americans and AHA recommendations.

Over time, total fat, saturated fat and trans fat declined, but remained above recommended levels.

Total fat declined from an average of 39 percent of daily calorie intake to 33 percent. Trans fatty acids declined from 2.9 percent of calories to 1.9 percent for men.

That means trans fat intake decreased by 32 percent for men and 35 percent for women, on average.

The AHA recommends keeping trans fats, found in partially hydrogenated oils and noted on nutrition labels, to one percent or less of total calories consumed.

Saturated fats, found in fatty beef, lard, butter and coconut oil, declined as well but still accounted for more than 11 percent of daily calories for men and women in 2009, according to the results in the Journal of the American Heart Association.

The AHA recommends limiting saturated fat to between 5 percent and 6 percent of total calories.

Consumption of the healthy omega-3 fatty acids found in fatty fish like salmon, mackerel and herring, remained steady – but lower than recommendations – over the study period. These fats can be good for the heart, reducing blood pressure and triglyceride levels.

The study examined trends in fat consumption, not the reasons behind them, but there could be several explanations for the decline, Honors said.

“For example, Food and Drug Administration regulations now require the trans fat content to be included on the Nutrition Facts Panel of packaged foods, making it easier for consumers to identify foods containing trans fats and to avoid those products,” she said. “In addition, many food manufacturers have begun to reduce the trans fat content of their products, resulting in fewer trans fat-containing food products in the marketplace.”

Trans fats are naturally found in low amounts in some foods, including meats, she noted, but the majority of trans fats that people consume are from processed foods.

“The evidence is compelling enough to aim for the elimination of trans fats entirely,” said Rajiv Chowdhury, a senior research associate in Global Cardiovascular Health in the School of Clinical Medicine at the University of Cambridge in the UK. “There is also an increasing realization that trans fats are potentially even worse than saturated fats for cardiovascular health.”

Saturated fats, on the other hand, need to be studied further as the current evidence indicates that their health effects may vary widely based on type and source, he told Reuters Health by email. The saturated fats available in dairy products may not be harmful, said Chowdhury, who was not involved in the new study.

“Because researchers have found that consuming trans and saturated fats may increase cardiovascular disease risk, it may be particularly important for individuals with an elevated risk of cardiovascular disease to avoid these nutrients and follow the recommendations,” Honors said. “Diet is one important avenue for reducing cardiovascular disease risk.”

National Teen Driver Safety Week, says CDC success of parents key

This is National Teen Driver Safety Week, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hopes its “Parents are Key” campaign will help parents encourage safe driving habits.

Among the tools for parents on the CDC’s website: a "Parent-Teen Driving Agreement," designed to be posted on refrigerators and serve as a daily safety reminder (see here: 1.usa.gov/1s9lB3q). On the CDC site, parents can also learn about common danger zones and state driving laws.

The 5 NHTSA safety recommendations: no cell phone use or texting while driving, no extra passengers, no speeding, no alcohol, and no driving or riding without a seatbelt. (See more here: 1.usa.gov/1nS1mMJ.)Also this week, the National Highway Traffic and Safety Administration (NHTSA) is running its "5 to Drive" campaign, urging parents and guardians to discuss one safety topic each day, Monday through Friday.

"Despite a declining trend, young drivers remain the largest percentage of crashes and deaths on our roads and we must all do more to change that," said U.S. Transportation Secretary Anthony Foxx in a statement sent to Reuters Health.

From 2003 to 2012, the number of teens who died each year in motor vehicle crashes declined by 50 percent, from nearly 6,000 to 3,000.

During the same period, the rate of passenger vehicle drivers ages 16 to 19 years involved in fatal crashes fell by 52 percent, according to data compiled by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety.

Despite the declines, motor vehicle crashes remain a leading cause of death for teens. Among teens who died in passenger vehicle crashes in 2012, some 60 percent were not wearing a seatbelt.

Sixteen-year-old Casandra Giles, a high school student from Zion, Illinois, told Reuters Health she avoids texting and eating while driving, because she distrusts other teenage drivers and wishes to remain vigilant behind the wheel.

"I wear my seatbelt at all times, and I never use my cell phone, because I want my passenger to be safe, too," Giles said. "Many teenagers take driving for granted and speed and show off for other students around school. Some drink, when they get it from older siblings."

Nearly one million high school teens drank alcohol and drove in 2011, according to the CDC.

Richard Patnode, a driving instructor with Arcade Drivers School, Inc. based in Kenosha, Wisconsin, said he believes many parents set a bad example and are reluctant to teach their teens about driving.

Patnode, who teaches some 500 students each year, said he has seen some students illegally drive themselves to driving school. "The parents need to take them driving, not just leave it to driving schools," Patnode told Reuters Health. "Some parents are afraid and never talk about texting or cell phone use. Parents still do it and they can't focus, either."

Dr. Ruth Shults, senior epidemiologist in the Division of Unintentional Injury Prevention at the CDC, advises parents to allow their teens to drive family vehicles, because they tend to be safer than the older, more affordable vehicles of many teens.

"Teens who share a family car tend to take fewer risks when driving. Also, family cars are typically newer than a car that would be purchased for a teen, so they are likely to have more safety features," Shults said in a statement to Reuters Health. "Prohibit driving when crashes are more likely to occur—at night and when there are other teens in the car."

The CDC also has tools to help pediatricians talk to their young patients about safe driving, here: 1.usa.gov/1tgoy7t.

Beverage Alternatives to Diet Soda

It is a common misconception that diet sodas will help people lose weight. While the drinks may not contain sugar, the sugar substitute is not much better. In fact, it can lead some to think that they might not be contributing to obesity by drinking a diet soda. Forbes Living TV offers some beverage alternatives which are better for us.

Drink water. It is a natural hydrator. It is usually free or sold in bottles at a very low price. It is portable, can be recapped to prevent spilling when moving and can be flavored.

Sugar-free juices are another good alternative. Some contain extra vitamins and minerals to improve overall health. And most do not cost too much. They are usually sold in boxes or small cartons.

Green tea comes in a several forms and different taste varieties to please most taste buds. Drink it cold from a can or bottle, or make it hot and add honey to naturally sweeten it up.

Sparkling flavored water will give carbonated beverage lovers the bubbly they desire with no added artificial ingredients. Tonic water flavored with strawberry slices and lemon or lime adds flavor and zip to the drink.

As the weather becomes cooler and heaters come on, familykenkel recommends readers stay hydrated all year long.  Kick the diet soda addiction out in the cold with the above ideas or tell us yours.

Family Travel Reminders

Many families will travel out of town for the holidays. Some will take the roads and some will go by air. No matter which way you and your family travel, Forbes Living TV shares some reminders to keep handy.

Who will take care of the house, mail and family pets while you are away? Now is the time to reserve the best caretakers for these valuable assets. Be sure to add some buffer time to the schedule to allow for delayed flights or heavy traffic congestion. Add an extra day to the schedule, if needed. Make a list of what needs to be done daily.

Families who are taking flights out of town should consider downloading movies on tablets or digital devices a week or more before the flight departs. Sometimes the download is slow even on a fast connection.  The same applies for adding apps and especially those related for travel.

If special meals, such as a gluten-free one, are needed for family members, place that request when reserving the flight and seats. If the reservation is already made, call the airline and add the request well in advance of the flight.

familykenkel also suggests checking the baggage restrictions for all connecting flights. Your checked suitcase may be too big and heavy for the regional airline connection to the destination point. Know before you go.

With a little advance planning, a family holiday trip can go smoothly. Why leave some things to chance?

Manipulation Madness

Q: My foster child can be amazingly manipulative, all the time! If I lovingly respond to her, am I not just reinforcing this behavior?

Best Super Foods of Fall

Look no further than the local farmer’s market, organic market or super market for the best super foods of fall that Forbes Living TV is pleased to share.

Apples, without doubt, are a terrific super food rich in vitamins and fiber. No matter which variety you like, they are plentiful this time of year.

Brussels sprouts may be on the avoid list of veggies but roasted with a little garlic, a spritz of olive oil and a sprinkling of Parmesan cheese, they are truly divine. They are also chock full of iron.

Pears, if you please, can be eaten as it, baked or roasted. They are juicy and sweet and supply a good amount of vitamin C.

Cauliflower is an inexpensive vegetable which can be steamed, broiled or mashed up to make a healthier “mashed potato” dish. It has qualities which can lower cholesterol, prevent cancer and contains a lot of Vitamin C.

Squash has a thicker skin than its summer cousins so it is sweeter and can be stored longer. They are in abundance in the produce section right now. Sprinkle some ginger and cinnamon on it.

Pumpkin is a popular winter squash that is full of fiber, potassium and Vitamin B. Buy a ripe one, slice it and roast it. Cool and cut into cubes to peel. familykenkel loves it in soup and smoothies. You can also buy canned pumpkin and use it the same way if wanting to take the easy way out. Enjoy the super fruits and veggies of fall!

My Daughter is Ruining My Time!

		Q: When trying to embrace my daughter (age 13) during stressful times, I began to realize that she has created crises over and over to receive that kind of love and attention. It ended up whenever I had a plan and it didn't include her (work, coffee with a friend, etc.), she'd have a crisis (feel sick, kick the wall and insist on a trip to the E.R., lock herself in her room). Then, when I started to include her in everything, she'd sabotage it (push the table over in the restaurant, break equipment at work, ruin clothes in stores at the mall, etc.). I felt like I was being completely controlled and "trained" to focus only on her all of the time. How do you manage that in moderation?
A: There are several dynamics going on in the relationship between you and your daughter. First, let's look beyond the behavior to determine why children "create crises." The voice of this type of behavior is saying, "I need to feel loved and I need to have attention so I know I won't be lost in this world!" Behavior is the language of our children. As adults, we communicate verbally and miss the voice of our children because these behaviors interrupt the flow of our day and are often so nerve grinding, we can't listen to them! Your daughter is expressing that she is insecure in her attachment relationship with you. When you leave home without her, the acting out or sicknesses begin. Although I do not have her exact history, this tells me that she has experienced severe abandonment in the past. She is terrified of you leaving her…it feels like you won't ever come back. Her perception and fear of you leaving her is more than just an idea -- it is her reality. Our thoughts become our reality. Try to relate to her fear in a situation in your life. If you were convinced, for some reason, that your husband would be injured in a car accident on his way to work, you would do EVERYTHING in your power to keep him from leaving the house. You might yell in desperation to get him to understand the seriousness of this issue. You might even feign an illness in your efforts to have him stay home with you. This is your daughter's story. Her fear of losing you is driving these behaviors. Then, when you took her with you, I have a feeling that she was with you simply out of desperation on your part. However, even though she was with you, I suspect you weren't really with her 100%. You didn't want her there because this was supposed to be your time to take care of yourself and you felt like you didn't have any other choice but to take her with you. This is all understandable, and unfortunately, happens too many times to parents simply out of their own survival. However, we need to look openly and honestly at the dynamic that is created in such a scenario. So you take her with you, all the while, the monsters of resentment, anger, regressive attitude of "whatever," and intolerance raise their ugly heads. These stressors become barriers to your connection with her. You are physically with her, but not emotionally engaged and not paying attention to her from an intrinsic, core level within you. Your daughter is very intuitive; she can sense the barriers of your resentment and your state of survival. If you are in a place of survival, you cannot be in a place of unconditional love for someone else. Your focus is on you, leaving no emotional space for your child and rendering you unable to respond to your child in an authentic and personal way. Due to her intense fear of losing you, she needs you to connect with her at every level possible. This means connecting with her through your metacommunication (your tone of voice, timing of your responses, inflection in your voice, your physical touch, your body posture and body language, your facial expressions, your eye contact, etc.). It takes using all of your senses to fully be in relationship with your child in order to create security with a child who is so overtly insecure. When you're unable to do this, the result is that your daughter is left feeling even more unsafe, unprotected, and insecure. At this point, you are now in a public place and she is sensing your disconnect and, additionally, she becomes overwhelmed and threatened by being in a new environment. She shifts into a place of complete overwhelm and her behaviors are out of control. The mother/daughter connection is lost, so efforts to regulate her and calm her prove futile. You become stressed and the public humiliation is making the hair on the back of your neck rise. Your thought process goes something like this, "She's ruining my time, again! I should have just left her home!" Disaster strikes once again. There is a better way. Understanding this dynamic, let's look at what can be done to create security for her. We know that children become secure when they feel accepted, approved, validated, and acknowledged. It will take having some experiences with her, just the two of you, to create this security. It can be as simple as a "Girl's Night Out" and driving down to have ice cream or something special in a quiet and calm environment, just the two of you. It isn't about the ice cream, though. It is about your relationship with her. It requires you to be authentic and fully present with her. She is old enough to be able to express her fears of you leaving her. Point out what would happen in the past when you left. Let her know that you now understand that these behaviors were signals of her being so scared of you leaving. Apologize for not "hearing" her. Commit to making it different with her. Help her to express her fears when you are both calm and regulated. It will help diffuse the ignition of acting out behaviors the next time you leave without her. Validate her fears. Acknowledge how scary it must feel every time you leave home without her. Accept her reaction to your absence. Reassure her that you want to make this better for her. The next time you have to leave, spend at least 15 minutes of one-on-one time with her prior to leaving. Set up a plan for her to call you when she feels scared. Make your time away from her short at first. Prolonged absences can be too overwhelming to her regulatory system. You can begin to build on these times away, but start slowly. Remember that children heal through relationships. Therapeutic worksheets, behavior charts, and logical consequences don't promote in-depth healing. It takes you being 100% present in relationship when you are with her in order for her to begin to feel safe when you're not with her.

Why We Need to Get Up and Walk at Work

Do your legs become stiff and muscles sore from sitting all day at work? Is it cold in the office? Forbes Living TV offers ways to get up and walk at work.

Anyone who has sat all day and then gets up to walk to the bathroom, the break room or even home at the end of the day knows how stiff joints and muscles get from sitting all day. Below are some suggestions about how to add small amounts of movement into the day to avoid circulation problems and/or joint and muscles issues later.

Position the desk chair so it is comfortable and allows legs to touch the floor easily.

Take a 15 minute morning break to walk around outside, on your floor or in the building. This reverses the bad health effects of sitting all day such as damage to leg arteries and reduces heart-related problems.

familykenkel learns that a recent study found that during a three hour period, the function of the femoral artery was decreased as much as 50% after just one hour of sitting. But study participants who walked for five minutes each hour of sitting did not experience that drop in arterial function. This suggests that the increase in muscle activity and blood flow is vital.

Get up every hour and walk around. Most states give employees two 15 minute breaks per day plus a lunch break. Use breaks to walk and keep arteries and blood flow normal. Walking also increases oxygen to the brain which can aid creativity and boost productivity.

How to Gripe and Get What You Want

Call it complaining, griping of kvetching. There is a certain way to do it and pretty much get what you want. familykenkel learns (and has tried) to complain the right way.  If griping about what you didn’t get or did get that’s not right didn’t get you anywhere, try some of the useful suggestions below from an etiquette expert.

Step back and ask yourself if you have a legitimate complaint. Or are you really having a bad day and want a little validation? Is it really worth it to complain? If so, please do let the other party try to rectify the problem before pummeling the person with barrage of bad words.

Use the right avenue to file a grievance. Social media accounts are the most public way of letting a business or company know they wronged you. And most businesses have social media accounts. Be firm, be polite and state the problem. If no result is produced, write to the CEO with your complaint. Be patient.

Avoid using foul language or to making threats. Most people do not feel they can have a rational conversation with someone who seems to want nothing more than to trash and bash. Be courteous and resist any urges to name-call.

familykenkel also knows that it’s nice to get a good review. If a business or company has resolved the issue, or has provided service that is better than expected, let them know. After all, we all need to hear kind words.

Celebrate and Stop the Crazy Loop

					Q: I have a 15-year-old son who has established a pattern of running away. I've been advised to call the police when this occurs. What do you suggest? A: Running away is indicative of a child who has entered a fear state. When we, and all animals in the animal kingdom become threatened, we go into a primitive response called the "Fight or Flight" response. It is an inborn genetic response, which helps to protect us; it is a survival response.
With this understanding, it perplexes me to think that calling the police on a child in this survival response pattern would ever be recommended. Why would you call out the police to address a child who is simply acting from his body's primitive, automatic, and inborn response? Your child is acting from an unconscious level. It isn't a conscious response; it is an unconscious reaction. Addressing it from an authoritarian and fear based approach will only keep your child in this pattern; hence, you described it as an "established pattern." We have somehow come to believe that we can force change by provoking fear and threat. This is completely unnatural. Have you ever seen nature force a seedling to grow? This is a choice that has to come from an internal place from within a person. To give such advice about sending the police is an example of doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result (this of course, is the definition of insanity). Statistics reveal that more than one in 100 adults in the United States have been in jail or prison. This is an all time high. When are we going to realize that this isn't working? Our own fear keeps us in a constricted place, locked in from seeing other alternatives. Fear keeps us in a crazy loop of trying harder, "upping the ante," and driving more consequences in order to get our children to behave and to be compliant. Here is the traditional parenting crazy loop: For young children, we start by picking them up and putting them in the time-out chair. When they get too old to sit in time out, we began removing privileges in order to get them to comply. When this becomes ineffective with a "whatever" response from them, we increase the stakes and ground them for a week. Finally, as teenagers, they realize they have the ability to just leave and run away. Then we call in the big guns and call the police. None of the craziness above is effective in the long-term, and only limited in the short-term. This problem is, love has not been a part of the solution...that is why the crazy loop has continued. If you want to end the cyclical turmoil in a family, put love into action. Unfortunately, many of us have no blueprint for what this looks like, so it challenges us at a deep level to consider that it would actually work. The next time your son runs away (and I also suggest looking closely at the circumstances that led up to this event and determine how much fear from both you and him contributed to the situation), I want you to plan a celebration for his return. Instead of calling the police, call the caterer! Seriously, bake a cake or some cookies. Make a banner that says, "Welcome home, son. We missed you." When a child returns, what we typically do is dump our fear onto the child. Instead of saying, "I was scared for you," we typically say, "How dare you leave this house and not tell us where you were going!" We need to realize that it took a tremendous amount of courage for the child to walk back into that door, knowing the parent was going to lecture him about everything he had done wrong. Put love into action when he walks in the next time. "Son, I'm so glad you're home. We missed you." It takes putting your fear aside and getting down to your core feelings. You did miss him. You are glad he is home. Let him know how special he is in your life. If you've lost these loving feelings towards your child due to the intense dysregulation going on, revisit pictures of when he was younger and when times were calmer and more pleasant. Get yourself back into a loving place with him. Later in the day, take the time to be with your child and listen to him. Talk about what it is that drives him to leave. Really listen to him. Give him space to voice himself. Stay out of being defensive. Know that when he feels heard, he will be able to hear you. When you give him the gift of being understood, you then can take the opportunity to express your fear. "I just get so scared when you leave. When I don't know where you are, I can't do anything to help you at that point. I also can’t do my ultimate job for you as a parent, and that is to keep you safe." Be courageous enough to try something different. You have the capacity to interrupt the negative crazy loop and to change this established pattern with your child. It takes trusting that love never fails.

Get Spooked

Americais a big country and in it are some very haunted hotels, hospitals and houses. Familykenkel shares some of the coolest and probably most scary places to visit on or before Halloween. Hang on to someone.

Trans-Alleghany Lunatic Asylum, Weston, VA– Take someone strong with you to hold onto as this former state hospital is still be home to hundreds of patients who lived and died there. Some of them come back to visit.  Brave souls can stay overnight with an experienced ghost hunter.

Villisca Ax Murder House, Villisca, Iowa

Several people were killed in this house including some children. Visitors to the house reported spontaneous instances of hearing children's voices, falling lamps, moving ladders and flying objects. Sound like fun? Have at it.

The Marshall House, Savannah, Ga.

This is a somewhat fun and odd place to stay in the beautiful city. It once served as a Union hospital during the Civil War. Some guests who have stayed there reported waking up with an outstretched arm as if a nurse was taking their pulse. And be sure to check if your travel partner is in bed with you. Water faucets turn on spontaneously.

Lizzie Borden Bed & Breakfast, Fall River, Mass.

Once the home of Lizzie Borden, this historic old house is now a B&B. Borden was accused of killing her sleeping father and stepmother with an ax. People believe their spirits as well as Ms. Borden’s haunt the house. The B&B owners serve the same breakfast the Borden’s ate in an effort to lure them back. Believe it or not.

Familykenkel invites readers to share any other haunted houses, hospitals, business, theaters or any other location where the souls of those who have passed on come back to check on things.

Reveals Extra Special Pumpkins for Halloween

There are the carved pumpkins that moms and dads create to decorate the outdoors on Halloween. And then there are the extra special ones which fancy celebrities. familykenkel shares some cool ways to make a pumpkin look like Harry Potter, a sports star or a monster, and more.

There are pumpkin carving kits that give anyone the ability to carve a pumpkin so it looks like someone famous. And there are people who grow pumpkins to look like well-known monsters. Whichever way one decides to go, it will please both kids and adults during the special time of the year to find that they’re looking for.

In case one wants a pumpkin that is grown to resemble Frankenstein, there is a farmer in Ventura, California who grows pumpkins to look like Frankenstein. His gourds are called “Pumpkinsteins” and they sell between $75.00 and $125.00 dollars. We’re not sure if he ships them or not. We doubt it since there is no website for the “Pumpkinsteins”. But if you live in the vicinity, why not check it out?

familykenkel also suggests visiting local arts and crafts stores to find stencils to use at home for both drawing and carving.  Below are a few more websites where fans can download stencils to use.

Have a ghoulishly fun time finding what you need to make Halloween a scream. 

Good Habits for Working Out

Many people work out to feel better, get healthy, and gain more strength. And it doesn’t really matter if it’s a one hour power workout in the gym or a ten minute video done in the living room. It just feels good. familykenkel shares some good habits for people who work out – alone or with others.

Hungry? Grab a protein snack on the way to the gym or from the fridge if working out at home. Don’t ignore grumbling stomachs. Exercising on an empty belly can breakdown muscle tissue – which is counteractive to why people workout in the first place. One good habit to keep in mind is the closer to workout time you are – the more simple the meal or snack. Eat a banana, a piece of cheese and some fruit. Even a small bowl of cereal will give you added fuel to start and finish the workout.

Using the equipment at the gym? Take your own sanitizing hand wipes or spray and bring your own water bottle. Wipe or spray the handles, knocks and anything else your hands touch before using the machine. Dry it well with a paper towel. No one wants to put their hands on someone else’s sweat. Make your own flavored water at home with water, lemon, lime, mint, and orange slices, add ice, cover and shake. Avoid using the water fountains.

In a rush to get to spin class on time? Leave a little earlier and avoid speeding to the class.

If working out at home, familykenkel learned the hard way to move free weights out of the way when done using them. One accidental toe stubbing resulted in a week’s worth of limping. Choose a time when no one is home to work out. Or carve time out for yourself by taking a power walk around the area. This is your time. Make it work for you.

New Recipient for the Notorious Gold Star

Q: I understand many of the Beyond Consequences principles and the idea of relationship-based parenting resonates with my heart. However, could you please explain more about why I should see my child’s issues as “regulatory” instead of “behavioral” and the neuroscience that supports this concept? A: Yes, I often say, “A child’s issues are not behavioral, they are regulatory,” because we need to parent children at the level of regulation and relationship. This is imperative, especially with a child who experienced childhood trauma, because we can then more deeply address the critical forces within this child that operate at
deeply address the critical forces within this child that operate implicit levels, beyond the exchanges of language, choices, stars, and sticker charts. The brain is growing at a rapid pace the first two years of life. Forty thousand (40,000) new synapses are formed every second in the infant’s brain. This growth and maturation is experience dependent on the social interactions from right-brain to right-brain between the parent and the child. The right brain is dominant for all children during the first two years of life in order to fully receive and interact with these non-verbal visual, tactile, and verbal communications from the parent. Research suggests that the regulatory interactions between the child and parent during these primal years is essential in order for the brain’s synaptic connections to develop normally and for functional brain circuits to be established. The attachment relationship is a major organizer for the brain during these primary years due to its ability to help the infant regulate emotions and states of stress. Additionally, relationships that offer emotional availability from the parent give the child a chance to develop healthy and responsive regulatory systems. An emotionally available parent provides a dyadic interaction that is socially stimulating and rewarding. This attachment communication is dynamic, multi-sensory (facial expression, auditory, verbal, and tactile), and reciprocal. These relationship-based interactions continue to be a driving factor in a child’s development well beyond these primary years. The engaging and safe social interactions in infancy provide the foundation and backdrop needed to later communicate with and understand and successfully read future caretakers. The child’s interpersonal neurobiology continues to crave connection and relationship throughout childhood in order to ensure healthy development into adulthood. However, when much of a child’s early life experiences have activated his fear response system, the child develops a negative and hopeless blueprint rather than a blueprint organized by affection and optimism. Dominant experiences of fear, loss, abandonment, terror, distress, rage, and indifference from the parent create ill-formed neurological pathways. Overwhelming amounts of stress in childhood create a child who is limited in his window of stress tolerance and ability to modulate emotional and affective states. The good news is that children are resilient and plastic. Meaning, a child’s nervous system and neurological pathways have plasticity, the ability to change, adapt, acquire, and create new and improved neurological pathways. It was in the relationship and emotional states of fear and overwhelm that the damage happened so it stands to reason that it is in the relationship and emotional states of safety and love that the repair and healing happens. Interactive repair, or simply, a safe relationship is what it takes. The most important and most effective “behavioral technique” your child needs in order to move him back within the behavioral boundaries of your home is relationship. Too much emphasis has been placed on what behavioral technique should be used or which punishment should be imposed. Well-meaning parents, who do not understand the concept of regulation nor understand the power of the relationship, use behavioral techniques far removed from human relational experiences. These techniques continue to fail over and over, keeping the family in chaos and potentially moving the family into crisis. Historically, when techniques were used and they resulted in behavioral change, the credit was given to the technique itself. Upon closer inspection, however, the question begs to be asked, “Was the technique or the relationship the influencing factor that brought about change?” The credit should not be given to the technique but rather the relationship that is at the heart of the child’s experience. The child values the relationship and changes his behavior in order to ensure his connection. It was the power of the relationship that created change, not the threat that came with the technique. Build the relationship; it is the key. It is the relationship that does the work…that is where real change happens because it is in the right brain-to-right brain experience that children are able to get back on course. More importantly, it is change that brings not only behavioral shifts, but deep healing that permeates to the heart and soul of a child who has experienced pain and vulnerability. (Isn’t that what really deserves that gold star?).

Information on the New Flu Vaccine

It is that time of year when health professionals are urging the public to get the flu vaccine. familykenkel shares information about what’s new with the flu vaccine this year.

Young children can get the ouchless vaccine via nasal spray. Seniors are encouraged to get an updated flu/pneumonia vaccine this year. One hundred children died from the flu last year and most of them were no vaccinated. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states that approximately 24,000 people passed away last year from flu-related issues. The new Flu Mist Nasal Spray is recommended for children between ages two and eight. The mist can be also be used for anyone up to age 49 and not pregnant. Seniors over age 65 should also get the pneumonia shots – which should be given six months apart.

familykenkel knows there are other forms of the vaccine to ask the doctor about:

the regular shot; an egg-free shot for those allergic to eggs; a high-dose shot just for those 65 and older whose immune systems may need an extra boost; and a tiny-needle shot that just penetrates the skin. Don’t wait until flu season is in full swing (January to February) to get vaccinated.  Call the doctor to see if the vaccine is available and get it now. Prevention is the key to staying healthy and well this year.

Benefits of Renting Versus Owning a Home

Many former home owners turned to renting when the Great Recession hit and joined those were already renting a home, condo or apartment. These people found some benefits to renting versus owning a home, which familykenkel details below.

U.S.census data reported by RealtyTrac states the number of renters in American homes rose to 34.5% in 2011.  Close to one-fourth of all U.S.metro regions saw higher rental rates, which are still in effect today. When more people want to rent, the higher rental rates will be. Plus, the number of millenials who are now working are also renting.  This creates a shortage of rental homes and gives property management companies and landlords carte blanche to hike rental rates.  Despite the rise in rent and the lack of affordable housing, there are benefits to this type of living:

• Renters do not have the responsibility or cost of home repairs.
• They do not have to worry about lawn maintenance.
• They can pack up and move when the lease expires.
• They can negotiate for a better rate when moving in or when renewing, and add perks such as a new microwave oven, free carpet and air duct cleaning and valet trash service.

Familykenkel show encourages readers to be sure to explore different cities and towns close to work before signing a rental lease. Also, be sure to read every page of the lease, even if the lease it long – as most are. Ask questions. Be very much informed about what the lease covers and does not cover, when rent is due and what the late fee is per day. These are items which can make renting pleasant or miserable. Renting is not for everyone. But neither is home ownership.

Asks if Parents Should Snoop on Their Kids

Are there parents who insist their kids text them as soon as they get on the bus and as soon as they get to school? Do parents download and install GPS-related software so parents know where their kids are at all times? familykenkel ask these questions and a few more to gauge if parents snoop on their kids.

Today’s children have many more possibilities to end up in danger than in previous decades.  The Internet and smart phones with Internet access make it easy for anyone to contact them. Social media accounts are also huge draws for the wrong kind of people to reach out and touch kids. So, we ask: should parents snoop on their kids? Do they snoop on their kids and how?  In earlier times, it was common for mothers to read their daughter’s diaries. Now both parents can see what their brood is writing on the Internet and in texts and can monitor it.

There are some products parents can use to keep track of what kids are up to: NetNanny, SafeEyes, and MamaBear to name just a few. Familykenkel asks why parents need products like these and the answer is this: more than three quarters of American kids age12 to 17 have cell phones, half of those devices has Internet access, social media and email access. In addition, a survey found that 40% of fifth graders have their own cellphones, 75% of teens aged 13 to 17 have at least one social media account, and more than two-thirds say they text every day.  Parents always want to be sure their children are safe. Snooping on kids is one way to find out if they are okay, happy, not being bullied, where they say they are and safe.

Survey Says...

Finding solutions for our children at school has proven in the past to be an arduous and difficult task. I have sat in school meetings with over twenty professionals, ranging from teachers, principals, district personnel, caseworkers, psychiatrists, nurses, parents, education advocates, and more, all working to find solutions for one challenging student. Discussions, both pleasant and heated, have lasted for hours on end, only to come to the conclusion that another meeting needs to be scheduled in order to discuss the issues further. Through all of this, I have come to one conclusion:

This is way too complicated! We need to ask our children what they need. And I did just that. In my most recent eNote, I invited children to give their opinions about school. Here are the amazing results: 1. What do children need at school to make learning better? What would make you look forward to getting up and going to school every day? Be more understanding of our ever changing abilities (due to stress even if you don't see it). Less students and more one on one with the teacher. The students need their peers to be supportive. So maybe have a game once a week that will involve the students with their other peers working together to figure something out. By doing this, other students will get to know their classmates better and build positive relationships. Kids shouldn't have to line up and wait. They bother each other when in line. Having teachers and other people at school greet us in the morning, like they are happy to see us. I look forward to technology, because it makes me feel a part of the world. I get confused from a book. I can look up on the Internet to learn better. Teachers who are more hands on with their students. Don't just hand out assignments and lecture; they get more involved with the students. Knowing that I am waking up to a happy family. Would be great if it started later because I'm always stressed out about getting up and having to run to get dressed and rush to school. Teachers should make people feel good in the class and not bullied. Keeping things the same on set days. 2. Did you like school this past year? Why or why not? Yes, because I had the best teacher ever and she helped my class become a family. Yes, because my grades have gone up than last year. At my old school, they didn't sit down with me and explain what to do. But at my new school my teacher would always keep me after school and ask what are you having problems with and how can I help? She works with her students. No because the teachers were mean to me and punished me and put me in detention every day when I didn't even need it. YES - I liked my teachers alot better this year because they understood me. Yes, I liked playing at recess and I liked math. But I didn't like when the teacher yelled at kids, it made me scared. No, I did not like school this past year because my teacher called me stupid in front of the entire class, she sat me in the back of the classroom away from all my peers, and also by a window where she knew I would not pay attention. 3. Do you think homework helps you learn more? Please explain. No, because it just fries your brain and doesn't allow time for break and bond with your family. Homework should be school work because at home you're supposed to spend time with your family. Yes, cause sometimes you get homework that you don't know and then your parents help you with it and then you know it for the next time it comes around. No. Homework causes stress and stress causes nightmares. I don't think lots of homework is good because we want time to ourselves after school. 4. If you'd like to add anything I haven't asked in regards to school, please list it here: The teacher helped me succeed, by calling on me when I knew the answer and it made me feel better about myself. She taught me to never give up. I think they should use less books and more technology along with hands on training (everyone learns differently). I wish that other kids understood my disability better, so I would have more friends. Out of the mouths of babes, we have brilliant, yet very easy solutions that can be implemented into the classroom. Additionally, most of these solutions do not require any additional funding or resources. They all simply require being able put oneself into the perspective of the child and to feel what it is like to be the student once again. Incredibly, the responses, randomly collected from students in various grade levels, all reflected five key ingredients: Relationship Regulation Encouragement Understanding Emotional Safety And these five ingredients add up to same word: LOVE.